Close to Home by John McPherson for May 26, 2022

My wife used a lot of Hamburger Helper when we were first married. I’m glad she didn’t find this on the shelf.

I bet Newt will keep an eye out for her!

It’s as BOO-bby Weep sang: “The Newt Has a Thousand Eyes” – at least in this package. Or am I just as drunk as a newt?

And if the package comes too unhandy, “gravitate” yourself to the “Eye-sack Newt-on” the left side…you really don’t have to be a scientist to know that

She must be shopping at GhoulMart.

You have to have (supply your own) or buy the newt eye(s).

Where’s the Helper Helper?

Cream of Goats!!! LOL! Funnier than the Helper.

Wonder if Zelda would know I used this?

Careful, Bleeb! She might think that you could be an interesting ingredient.

But, is it organic?

Watch out bleeb you don’t want to end up in the stew

Sprinkle some cockroach antenna for seasoning

Ingredients:

1. The left ear of a giant, (or the right ear)

2. The knee of an eagle

3. A Terrible Nice

4. A large, red, one-eyed, no-nosed, nothing.

Stir well, and I think you get Cracker Jacks. シ

That would be great to see Newt Gingrich wearing an eye patch now!

Cool it with a baboon’s blood.

Where do the keep the Toe of Frog soup? :)

Is she gonna newt it, I mean nuke it?

Witches Who Are Bad Cooks Be Loco!

This is hilarious. I have a mild objection, though, to the commonly drawn caricature of witches. They are often drawn with crooked teeth, green skin, and moles on their faces and generally made out to be ugly. However, many witches do not have any of these characteristics and appear quite beautiful.

“Needs more Eye of Newt.. you always want more eye of newt! If it were up to you, the brew would be nothing but newt eyes! "