Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 04, 2022

I’m trying to stay away from ethnic jokes during these days of political correctness, so I’m again picking upon Swedes for the following:

Abe dies, leaving a will that stipulates $30,000 for an elaborate funeral. Asthe last of the visitors departs the services, his widow, Sarah, turns toher dearest friend, Sadie, and says, “Well, I think Abe would be pleased.”

“I’m sure you’re right,” replies Sadie, who then lowers her voice and leansin close. “How much did this really cost?”

“All of it,” says Sarah. “All thirty thousand.”

“No!” Sadie exclaims. “I mean, it was very nice, but $30,000?”

Sarah replies, “Yes. The funeral was $6,500; I donated $500 to the synagogue,and the wake, food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for theMemorial Stone.”

Sadie computes quickly in her head and asks, “$22,500 for a Memorial Stone? My goodness,how big is it?”

“Two and a half carats.”

Here is some information about Jupiter’s Great Red Spot, if anyone cares to look at it.

https://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/2018/jupiters-great-red-spot-getting-taller-as-it-shrinks

So “statim” is from Latin?

So Venus red spot might be speeding up?

An old man was living out his days in a nursing home. One day the nurse noticed he was sad and depressed.

She asked, “Is there something wrong?”

“Yes nurse,” the old man replied, “my private part died today, and I am very sad.”

Knowing her patients were sometimes a little senile she replied, “Oh, I’m sorry, please accept my condolences.”

The next day, the old man was walking down the hall with his private part hanging out of his pajamas. The nurse pulled him aside gently and said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your private parts back inside your pajamas.”

“But nurse”, the old man protested, “I told you yesterday that my private part died!”

“Yes you did tell me that. But why is it hanging out of your pajamas?”

“Well,” he replied, “Today is the viewing.”

Until next time.

Wow, the meaning & full version of STAT is unique!

Somebody send Dr. Pimple Popper to Jupiter, stat!

A New York attorney called his client, a wealthy art collector: “Bernie, | have some good news and I have some bad news.”

The art collector replied, “You know, I’ve had an awful day, Jack, so let’s hear the good news first.”

“Well, [ met with your wife today,” the lawyer said, “and she informed me that she has invested only $5,000 in two very nice pictures that she thinks will bring somewhere between $15 and $20 million … and I think she could be right.”

“Holy cow! Well done!” Bernie replied enthusiastically. “My wife is a brilliant business woman, isn’t she? You’ve just made my day. Now, | know I can handle the bad news. What is it?”

“The pictures are of you and your secretary.”

From “Short Circuit”: “Stat!” “What does that mean, anyway?” “I don’t know, but…”

I doubt the bit about Tesla. He was supposed to be intelligent. What about “I’m sorry, I don’t like pearls, would you mind taking them out and keeping them in your purse? Then, you can keep up with your good work. Thank you.” Or “I hate pearls!! I’m glad SHE’s wearing them and not I!” :D

When I worked in a hospital, we used to joke that STAT meant: ’Sometime after tomorrow".

I knew somebody in college who had a red spot that got smaller. Heck of a gal.

Take care, may famed dead battery collector Amos “My Slingshot Awaits” McJeffersord be with you, and gesundheit.

“Statim?” I learned something new. And, oddly, spell check doesn’t recognize it as a legitimate word!

It’s the 4th of July. Let the fireworks begin!

A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with one of his nurses.

She used to take care of him and was always very nice to him, always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.

The guy was shy and couldn’t ask the nurse out on a date while he was hospitalized, but after he was discharged, he somehow managed to get the number of the nurse and messaged her.

“Hi, I’m the patient you looked after in Room 303. I’ve been thinking about it and I think you’ve stolen my heart”.

The nurse didn’t reply for two days and the patient was sure that he wouldn’t be getting any reply from her.

Then out of the blue, she replied: " Whatever you are accusing me of is not true. We only took one kidney out".

Until next time.

Tesla had OCD that extended to preferring the number 3. The room in which he was found dead in a New York hotel 3327, located on the 33rd floor.

So what do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships

“Stet” is also Latin, but not an abbreviation.

Why can’t they say “NOW” instead of STAT?