Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for July 27, 2022

Ripley’s seems focused on water tonight, so here’s a little story on the same topic.

A fleeing criminal, desperate to escape the police, runs into the desert with hardly any water. Very soon, he runs out of drinking water, and hours later, he is already plodding under the merciless desert sun.

He is close to desperation when suddenly, he sees something far off in the distance. Hoping against hope that it is water, he starts running towards what he thinks is an oasis, only to find a little old man with a little stand, full of ties.

‘Hey you, do you have water?’ Pants the criminal.

The old man replied, ‘I have already finished my water, but would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.’

The criminal, frustrated shouted, ’you moron! Do I look like I need a tie? I should kill you right here, but I have to find some water first!"

’There’s no call for threats,’ said the old tie seller indignantly, ‘but even though you don’t want to buy one of my ties and you treat me like this, I’ll help you. If you continue over that hill for about 3 miles, you’ll find a restaurant with great food and all the ice cold water you can drink. Good luck!"

Muttering in disgust, the criminal staggered away over the hill. Several hours later the necktie salesman sees him crawling on the dune back towards him. When he finally arrives, he lays on his back, panting.

“Everything ok?” asked the tie salesman as he bends over to hear the raspy whisper of the other man.

“They won’t let me in without a tie…”

Until next time.

wow… three beverage-related factoids

Once more before the rack.

A guy was watching TV and his wife came in and said, “The car won’t start. I think there’s water in the carburetor.”

The guy was annoyed and said, “You don’t even know what a carburetor is, let me diagnose the problem…where’s the car?”

And his wife said, “In the pond in front of our house.”

Until next time.

And their signiatures were still legible?

For the unitiated, ‘cider’ here, of course, refers to what today’s Americans call ‘hard cider’.

Last call.

Two golfers are about to play 18 holes when one of them says he’s going to the pro shop to buy some golf balls, and asks his friend if he needs any balls.

His friend says, “No thanks, I have a ball.”

The golfer says, “You only have ONE ball?? You’re going to lose that, and then what will you do?”

“Oh no, this is a special ball,” his friend says, “You can’t lose it!”

“What do you mean you can’t lose it? What if you hit it in a water hazard?”

“This ball floats, so you can’t lose it!” his friend says.

“Then what if you hit it in some deep rough, and you can’t find it?”

“The ball has a little strobe light that will start flashing, so you can’t lose it!”

“Well what if you hit it way out in the woods and you don’t even know where to look for it?” the golfer asks.

“The ball has a little horn inside it, and it will start beeping,” his friend says. “So you can’t lose it!”

“Wow, that’s amazing!” the golfer says. “Where did you get that ball?”

“I found it,” his friend says.

Until next time.

George could not tell a lie once he had his Madeira taken away.

Take care, may beloved town boozer Quaffie “You Drink I’m Thunk Don’ Choo” Bushord be with you, and gesundheit.

Yesterday’s no no problem had me thinking. I’m going to try the fireman’s hose!

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff’s hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, “Never mind boys, I’ll get it.”

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht, and handed the Pope his hat.

The crew was speechless. The security team and the Pope’s entourage were speechless. No one knew what to say, not even the Pope.

But that afternoon Fox reported:

“BIDEN CAN’T SWIM.”

W.C. Fields must have had Aquagenic Urticaria, since he never drank water

I’ve seen records of how much alcohol was purchased by the White House on a monthly basis in the pre Civil War days, and it is truly epic. Just looking over the records is almost enough to give you a buzz.

Too much water. Too little water. People do tend to feel much more secure while having it.

Party time with good ole George and Constitution signers!

Is Ripley’s trying to infer that are Founding Fathers were too inebriated to know what they were signing.

Don’t all beverages contain some water? Does the condition guarantee death within days?

The person most affected by the allergy to water was Aquaman. Also made life a bit tough for Poseiden.

Heating one liter or water by one degree Celsius requires one kilocalorie of heat (by definition). So if you drink 1 L of water that is 6 °C, your body must use 30 kcal to heat it to body temperature (36 °C).

Disregarding the punch in bowls, they averaged 3 bottles per person.

Also pointing out that we don’t know that only the Constitution signers were at the party. Other friends could have been there as well. :-)

Cold water, is about all I ever drink, no matter what the weather is.