Close to Home by John McPherson for August 17, 2022

Kickstarter

where is Fonzi when you need him?

Based on the size of her feet I’d say she has a clear shot at it.

Seems like whoever goes first would likely shake the most candy bars loose, and the ones left would be more firmly seated for the second person. So, how are you going to pick who goes first in the fairest manner?

Drop kick for maximum effect….any Reese’s in there?

Hi, Bleeb. I see that you are moving into position to observe while she is making her kick. Good job.

Unfair match!

More people are killed annually by assaulting vending machines than are killed by sharks.

There you go. One solid kick with the heal to the middle of the plastic display cover and we’ll be flush in candy. Crush it dude.

Just Body Slam the thing and have ALL the candy!

… then give the HR guy a Flying Back Elbow Slam on the way out!

One of life’s sweet lessons…

So you want the person who is best a cheating the system. Is that a political position, or a legal one?

She may be better off using another part of he anatomy on the machine. She’s got some booty there to throw around.

Partner up with Bleeb, he can go through the chute get all the candy.

I used to deliver papers in a building where the candy bar machines were like high-paying slots — sometimes you didn’t get anything, but at least as often you got more than you paid for.

This cartoon inspires snickers.

Usually got stuff I didn’t like. If the machine wasn’t bolted down you could rock like a baby. It was also fun watching the supervisor come running into the swing room and seeing three people eating the same kind of candy at the same time.

Hack the maintenance port on the back and tell it to empty for cleaning

And if the vending machine falls on them, they are disqualified and the other gets it by default.