Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for December 13, 2022

Come out of the closet kid.

So what are the least of the insect noises heard at night?

Where I live nobody drives on my road except me, for some reason they put one of those pooping boxes down the road, bear got it. I hope not to make love..but maybe

Ants can survive being microwaved because their bodies possess too little water, since microwave ovens actually only heat up water molecules.

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,” Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" “Outstanding,” Fred replied. “They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great.” “That’s great! And what was the name of the clinic?” Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn’t remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, “What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?”

“You mean a rose?”

“Yes, that’s it!” He turned to his wife, “Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?”

Birdman out.

My girlfriend and I were out for a stroll when we saw dogs mating. She said: “How does the male know when the female is ready for sex?”

I replied: “He can smell she is ready . That’s how nature works.”

We then walked past a field of sheep and the ram was mating the ewe.

Again my girlfriend asked: “How does the ram know when the ewe is ready for sex?”

I replied: “It’s nature. He can smell she is ready.”

We then went past a pasture and the bull was mating with the cow.

My girlfriend said: “This is odd. They are really going at it. Surely the bull can’t smell when she is ready?”

I said: “Oh, yes; it’s nature . All animals can smell when the female is ready for sex.”

Anyway, after the walk, I dropped her home and kissed her goodbye.

She said: “Take care and get yourself checked out for Covid-19.”

Surprised, “Why do you say that?” I asked her.

She replied: “You seem to have lost your sense of smell.”

Finding this out is no reason to put your relatives in the microwave oven! It is very irresponsible for this publication to give out such information. I am very worried about all the wonderful uncles and aunts out there who deserve to live long and loving lives. And furthermore … Oh, you’re referring to ants the insect. Never mind. ~ Emily Litella

Take care, may famed Japanese story teller Hirohito “Yes That’s It She Was A Stowaway In My Home And Not My Mistress” Quagmirord be with you, and gesundheit.

Pretty much all of the noises you hear at night are related to mating, regardless of species.

Do you have a fear of intruders sneaking into your home?

You’re not alone.

Certain Japanese buildings had creaking floorboards which would alarm the guards if there were intruders.

That seems like a sound strategy to me.

Ants still burn their tongues on that first bite of microwaved pizza.

My Credit Union had a contest this month and I won $375. No joke.

I saw a video explaining how ants are able to survive being microwaved. It said, given the wavelength and amplitude of the microwaves from an oven, the length of an ant’s body is too short to absorb a significant amount of microwave energy.

If this explanation is correct, microwaves much stronger than those from an oven would be enough to kill an ant.

But, that is questionable. Microwaves heat food by rapidly flipping water molecules back and forth. And, a water molecule is much, much smaller than an ant.

Another theory is because an ant is tiny, an ant has a high surface area to volume ratio. So, the heat absorbed from the microwave is dissipated from the ant before it builds up enough to be fatal.

Kinda depressing to think that most vocalizations amount to “F*** me!”

What’s the difference between a mosquito and a Congressman?

Mosquitos admit THAT THEY’RE BLOODSUCKERS.

So can Gnats and fruit flys.

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said, “OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I’m getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three. You only get one wish!” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii but I’m scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?” The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete…how much steel!! No, think of anotherwish.” The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women….know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment….know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing’….know how to make them truly happy….”

The genie asked, “Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?”…. Birdman out.