Crabgrass by Tauhid Bondia for June 11, 2024

Ok this is bad

Oh please. Everybody knows playing video games turns people into violent and homicidal sociopaths. Of course, there are other variables to take into consideration too: were they loved as children? Were they homeschooled? Were there enough doors in their house? Were they rejected after asking a girl out?

I stopped playing videogames once they started requiring internet subscriptions(XBox Live), letting Playstation and Xbox add extra features for profit.

Doesn’t help your posture either.

Even worse. They eat broccoli.

Ooooh… making a reference to our 41st president…

Or it could just be the last few weeks of school.

Au contraire, my friend. Video games develop hand to eye coordination, perfect our strategic skills, and make us into better human beings.

Umm… How does a game about orcs turns players into the walking dead? Shouldn’t they become something else, like… ORCS?!

They eat quarters.

Is it ironic that they are lurching around outside?! If they don’t eat brains, what do they eat? Homework? Brothers and sisters? Goldfish?

Even the best of us fall down the obsessive interests rabbit hole sometimes.

I sense a good story arc coming up!

Zombies ate my neighbors!