Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for May 30, 2024

Choose one bunny. Stick with it. Leporine monogamy is the only decent thing. I have spoken.

Watch the shells. Watch the shells. Keep your eyes on the lagomorph. Where’s the bunny? Where’s the bunny?

Bunny-swapping sounds like a skill she’d learn if she went to a 4-H camp.

Light hearted, entrepreneurial bunny swapper.

then declare wabbit season

I went to a bunny swap once but nothing happened. None of them had any car keys.

Let’s play Hide the Hare!

Dear Diary,

Today I taught my plastic decor plant the art of chain-mail lightning.

I am also having some early success in minimizing my blind hatred of Welsh rarebit recipe traders by venting my hateful emotions via the written word here and by concentration on my calligraphic entries of same.

More later on that dreadful “lucky paw in the mailbox” business.

Must dash. I have invited that interesting buck and doe from down the way, Caligula-something, to tea and veggie wiggle.

Love and kisses as always,

— Warren “Kit” Robète

To Whom It May Concern…

Years ago a coworker friend named Bunny gave me an ashtray made of dinosaur coprolite … if I could find it, I’m willing to swap for a Kodak Brownie camera …!

( despicable by default? )

Mrs. Major T. J. “King” Kong leaves her husband helpful hints for unsticking bomb bay doors, to help him from having to harelip everybody on Bear Creek.

Finally, job candidates are required to pick one or more:

They’re not bad, they’re just…

- drawn that way

- that way with drawn butter

- drawn and quartered this way

- drawn shades aweigh

- drawstrings pianissimo forage silo nightfall

- other (elucidate at will and/or your own peril)

“I’ve been thinking, Madeline — there is surely more than one reason why there are no ‘Gummy Bunny’ candies…”

I’m not sure, my dear Feldspar — I’m torn between “Thimblerig & Conboy” and this other one — “Alias Smith & Jones.” Which one pulls at your gut?

P.S. Thank you again for the lovely bouquet of Fioriscono i fulmini — they keep the air so fresh and lively, exactly as you wrote in your piece for them in Women’s Home Pasta Trainer & Idle Spelunker Monthly.

Miriam,

OK, so the bunny comes up the driveway, goes round the shrubberies, onto the porch for the newspaper and mail, then back down past the lawn ornaments, back through the gnome collection, and into the hole?

Pretty sure I’m leaving something out, but can’t be sure.

Thoughts?

“Mother Theresa couldn’t beat these charges,” Trump said.

Dear Judge Gaffney,

Both Doctor Chumley and Mr. Shimelplatzer say it is simply in Harvey’s nature to have a wandering eye and that Elwood should be allowed the occasional wild hare.

In any case, I still wish to bring action against that terrible Mr. Wilson and Dr. Sanderson, even as I admire Nurse Kelly for trying to do the right and sober thing in hosting a bunny hop with that nice young Gary Lewis and the Playboys.

Yours sincerely,

Veta Louise Simmons

P.S. Myrtle Mae sends her regards and asks me to send you her thanks for your kind invitation for the annual snipe hunt at Chumley’s Rest, but she unfortunately has a prior commitment at the submarine races as chaperone with Aunt Ethel and Mr. E. J. Lofgren — you may remember they met last week in his taxi, chasing those pesky geese which had unexpectedly steamed up all his windows.

Nice art, color, composition, and sentiments / sediments, thank you.

Ooh! Miss Amy got kind of close to calling someone a rude name there. Get her a mint julep and lead her to her easy chair. “Take the rest of the day off, dear.”

Reading readiness: the shaded background of today’s drawing looks like the head of a T-Rex. And it appears to have a terrific headache! Cue the pain reliever commercial!

Dear Sir(s) and/or Madam(s) —

While we must share what is only this one meager body, might I be so bold as to propose a little “quiet time” after 10 p.m. on weeknights?

I do not mean to be offensive, but all these loud voices in my head are driving me to distraction and seriously limit my ability to sleep and care for our shared vehicle.

Thank you for your consideration,

Ms. Bodacia T. Plastron

Manager

Re-Bates MotorLodge

It started out as a love note. But the more thought she gave to the topic, the farther astray it went.

Wait — did I nod off?

What happened to my shopping list?!

Ssshhh…

Mrs. Folger has a sudden encounter with automatic writing — let’s watch!

Once again, Snaggletooth, is fooie a cuss word for bummys and bunnie’s.

Snagglepus top.

anger issues?

A perspective for Happiness is a bumpy, bunny, Jewish Holocaust still for cold gin martini’s.

Sour MASH

4077.

I’ve heard of wife swappers, wife beaters, egg beaters, egg shells, sea shells, sea shores, distant shores, distant drums, oil drums, oil wells, stripper wells and stripper wives, but I ain’t never heard of no bunny-swappers.

Also, I think Frog Applause™ needs a rule about hyphens.

Hold your pee, wee, Herman Munster, Chez Stick, made of Monetary cheese, breaded, w/ Hot Lips Hulahan, and Fryer Tuck, boiling oil.

Crisco Shortening Lumpy.

Three Blind Mice,

I counted them twice.

Return to sender,

A mind blender.

Brain Teaser?

Shampoo Reasoner’s.

As long as we are not dealing in pregnant pauses here, playboy.

There has never been a good bunny swapper!

My Bunny lies over the ocean…