Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for September 04, 2024

  1. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    In The End, They Declined To Comment

    I am ringing up a customer who is paying with a debit card. She puts in her PIN (pre-tap) and it declines. She’s leaving so I have to stop her and tell her it declined.

    She huffs and says something about me being an idiot and we do the transaction again.

    Declined.

    She’s furious. WITH ME! I ignore it and warn her:

    Me: “Are you sure you’re using the correct card and PIN? It will likely cancel the card if you put in the wrong code again.”

    Not what she wants to hear. We do the transaction again. Declined.

    She’s about to lose it but then her shopping companion comes up beside her and asks:

    Customer’s Sister: “Hey, sis, why do you have my debit card?”

     •  Reply
  2. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    Never Tell Me The Odds! (I Just Don’t Understand)

    At work many years ago, it turned out that a coworker and I had the same birthday.

    Coworker: “Wow, that’s amazing! What are the odds?”

    Me: “One in three hundred and sixty-five.”

    She just gave me a blank look.

     •  Reply
  3. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    We’re Guessing He’s More Comfortable In Hardware…

    I work in the makeup department, and I usually see lost-looking husbands running errands for their wives. I know it’s a cliché, but trust me, it’s a cliché founded on truth.

    Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

    Customer: “Yeah, my wife is after this makeup thingy. It’s… sealant.”

    Me: “Sealant?”

    Customer: “Yeah, for the face.”

    Me: “Uh… I don’t think I’ve heard of sealant for the face.”

    The customer mimes spraying over his face.

    Customer: “To seal in the makeup?”

    Me: “Oh you mean setting spray! Over here!”

    I show him the item and he calls his wife to confirm over his phone’s loudspeaker:

    Customer: “It’s called [product name]. This is the sealant, yes?”

    Customer’s Wife: “Good lord, Simon, I’m your wife, not a bathroom tile. But yes, that’s the item. Love you.” Click.

     •  Reply
  4. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    The Mother Of All Warnings

    I work in a big box store in a large retail park where lots of other stores share a large parking lot. I see a woman run into the store looking a bit stressed.

    Customer: “I just want to apologize in advance for everything my mother is about to say or do.”

    Oh, man… it’s going to be one of those customers.

    Me: “I appreciate the advance warning, ma’am, and I get it.”

    The woman looks back at the entrance, and we both expect to see her mother storming in. A moment passes and the woman carefully approaches the entrance and looks out to the parking lot. Her eyes go wide.

    Customer: “Ah s***, she’s going to the wrong store. She’s about to shout at them for a refund for this store and I haven’t had a chance to pre-warn them!”

    She runs out of the store but not before giving me the eye-roll of a woman who has long-ago mastered the art of doing parental damage control.

     •  Reply
  5. Large kimg0147
    Yakety Sax  2 months ago

    The Puns Are Evolving

    I am giving a tour of the Natural History Museum to a school trip. There are lots of animals on display and I am taking the children through a visual story of life on Earth.

    Me: “And here are the dolphins, which surprisingly enough actually evolved from mammals on the land.”

    One of the mothers in the group, a parental chaperone, speaks up.

    Parent: “I don’t believe in evolution!”

    Ugh! Here we go…

    Parent: Smiling. “It’s de-feet-ing the porpoise.”

    It took a second, but a cacophony of groans went around the adults of the group like a Mexican wave. One of the other parents spoke in her direction:

    Other Parent: “Laura, you promised…”

     •  Reply
  6. Missing large
    rekam Premium Member 2 months ago

    Thanks, Yakety. I loved these.

     •  Reply
  7. Blunebottle
    blunebottle  2 months ago

    No, your attitude depends on your personality .

     •  Reply
  8. Picture
    CorkLock  2 months ago

    Being a Butthole is all on your part Aunty. All 225 lush pounds.

     •  Reply
  9. 250
    ladykat  2 months ago

    Right on, Aunty!

     •  Reply
  10. Img 5203
    rockyridge1977  2 months ago

    Wishy….washy!!!!!

     •  Reply
  11. Missing large
    dflak  2 months ago

    I try to respect other people, but I do not need your approval to feel good about myself.

     •  Reply
  12. Me 3 23 2020
    ChukLitl Premium Member 2 months ago

    I didn’t see any attitude around here ’til you showed up.

     •  Reply
  13. Stinker
    cuzinron47  2 months ago

    And you cop an attitude so easily.

     •  Reply
  14. Dscf3970  2
    crazeekatlady  2 months ago

    My attitude is always better if you’re a cat.

     •  Reply
  15. Missing large
    PraiseofFolly  2 months ago

    If those platitudes take firm, widespread hold … humanity is doomed to endless squabbles and self-destruction… sort of like it is now. Clubs to atomic weapons to oblivion. Pessimism fulfilled.

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Aunty Acid