Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for October 11, 2024

What about “The Shorter Living Section”?

How about just closing down the paper?

Alternae title “Between the senate and the oval office”..

Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as “Pop N Serve”, and/or “Pop N Fresh”, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as “a man who never knew how much he was kneaded”.

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Why did Winnie the Pooh quit his job writing obituaries?

He didn’t like being the bear of bad news.

My mom remarked that the obituaries had had more people in them than usual.

My dad replied “well people are just dying to get in there”.

The inventor of the Hula hoop passed away.

From his obituary, I learned he was quite famous in certain circles.

Man chokes on hotdog and dies in Germany

His obituary said it was the wurst way to die.

Are you sure it’s not “Pining For The Fjords”?

Shoe must be taking lessons from Sen. Belfry ! ! !

The guy who invented auto-correct passed away. His funnel will be tornado.

Johnny Carson said of epitaphs: A belated advertisement for a discontinued line of goods.

Can’t be too macabre, can we?

Now that’s a mortifying announcement.

My newspaper has gone from six days a week to three. The number of pages in each paper has increased, but not to give us the news that we’re missing on those other four days. No, they added a new Living section in addition to the one we had.

“…the ‘No Longer Living section’.”

Tall individuals not welcome.