Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for November 19, 2024

Birds are dying to go there, Mort can’t lose!

He’s urning a fortune.

He chose a ‘certain’ career, but it wasn’t ‘taxes’.

My good friend the mortician agrees.

Mort’s, just down to Earth

I was reading Yelp reviews of local mortuaries.

Found one that was rated cad-average.

Mortuaries should be called hearsepitals!

My brother got fired from the mortuary for kissing the dead on the throat.

Turns out he was a neck romancer.

My mortician friend had to put gates up all around his mortuary…

People were dying to get in.

Got fired from the Mortuary, but I don’t care

Hated working with a bunch of stiffs.

A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says “I don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, “whatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says “there’s no charge.” Shocked she replies “no really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” “Honestly ma’am”, the mortician says, “it costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

Will the story urn him a prize?

I’m glad you guys are having fun with this—dying is the last thing I want to do!

Everybody eats and everybody dies.

It doesn’t hurt that you are the only one in town, either ! ! ! ! !

While you sing Electric Funeral, by Black Sabbath.

Hey Cosmo, I can dig it!

Cats think inside the box…..or is it stink?

Wouldn’t he be thinking outside the box. If he was inside the box he’d be passed on, departed, maybe pining away for the fjords.

I tell my cat “don’t you dare think outside the box”

…putting the fun back in funeral

And not outside it.

I’m thinkin’ he’s got a pretty good level of job security!