Crabgrass by Tauhid Bondia for December 09, 2024

Let me pull up a snow bank.

It all started in Christmas 1945…

He’s not slouching towards Bethlehem is he?

Popcorn! Get’cher popcorn here! Red hot popcorn! It’s red! It’s hot! Get’cher red hot popcorn here!

How often do they use Krampus in media? Not much, actually.

Wait! Isn’t Randall the bad guy here?

Oh oh, the evangelicals are going to go nuts! Blasphemy!

It was a dark and stormy night.

Can’t wait!

According to Krampus’s Wikipedia article, Krampus is a helper to Saint Nick. I’m a little disappointed to see that this aspect of the original tales are forgone in the name of creativity, but I think that line was already crossed with the snow demons, and either way, I’m down to see where this goes.

Oooh that’s the story I didn’t know I needed to hear!

In the frostbitten hush of the night, when the stars seemed frozen in their vigil, the air was rent with the sound of chains—a dreadful, metallic slithering that crawled into the marrow. The children stood transfixed by Santa’s tale, their breath curling into mist as the old man spoke, his voice trembling like the brittle branches above.

“Krampus,” he whispered, his eyes hollow with ancient fear. “Not a helper, but a harbinger. A creature born of wrath and ruin, summoned not for the naughty, but for the wicked—the destroyers of joy, the defilers of hope.”

From the shadows of the snow-laden woods came a figure that defied reason, a grotesque amalgamation of nightmare and fury. Horns curved like the sickle moon crowned a monstrous head, its eyes smoldering embers of hatred. Its twisted body, matted with coarse black fur, seemed too large for the mortal world, hunched and heaving with each breath that escaped its maw. A forked tongue flicked through jagged teeth, tasting the terror in the air.

Krampus dragged his chains behind him, each link glinting cruelly in the moonlight. In his clawed hand, he held a bundle of birch rods, but these were no mere switches—they were blackened and cracked, as if scorched by the fires of the underworld. On his back, a cavernous sack writhed and moaned, filled with the restless forms of those he had claimed.

Santa stepped forward, his usual mirth replaced with grim resolve. “He comes for those who poison the earth, who spread lies and greed, who feast on the suffering of others. He is no myth—he is justice in its rawest, most terrible form.”

As the children watched, the beast bellowed a roar that shook the trees, and the ground split beneath its hooves. Krampus had come, not for the innocent, but for the architects of despair. And as he vanished into the night, dragging the wicked to their doom, the snow whispered a chilling truth: the world’s reckoning had begun.

So the main villain went from Randall, to Ms. Claus, to a polar bear, and now to this “Krampus”? What the hell is happening here?

I love how people rewrite past stories. Mostly taking it to the dark side with killings, mutilations and such. (not really)

Something tells me Krampus is gonna be the ugliest demon we’ve ever seen or similar to the Krampus from Henry Danger.

He sounds like someone who could really krampus your style.

Oh boy, this should be great!

Well, there was a baby born…

Destroying Christmas?! What a creep!!!

Lights, please?!