Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for January 05, 2025

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    Yakety Sax  3 days ago

    This One Really… *sigh …Takes The Cake*

    I’m a self-checkout attendant in a grocery store. Like a lot of self-checkouts, we have theft issues due to the setup, both from experienced thieves who know how to trip us up and people who honestly just forget to hit the payment button. Store policy is to call security or a manager if a walk-off includes alcohol or is worth $20 or more.

    One day, we have a $96 walk-off that includes beer, so after security fails to answer their store phone, I call my manager.

    Manager: “Hello?”

    Me: “This is [My Name] on self-check. We just had a ninety-six-dollar walk-off that included beer.”

    Manager: “Crap.”

    Me: “But there’s also good news.”

    Manager: “What?”

    Me: “They had a custom sheet cake, so the bakery should still have all of their information.”

    Dumbest thieves I’ve ever seen.

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    Yakety Sax  3 days ago

    Owned By The Owner: Unloaded Edition

    I’m an owner-operator trucker. That means I own my own trailer. I run fully solo and pick loads from a board of jobs.

    I take on a job and get loaded. After this, the fork truck driver hands me the load paperwork.

    Fork Truck Driver: “And I’ll be needing a lumper fee for the loading.”

    The shipper is there, too, and she doesn’t think this is strange.

    Me: “No, the contract the load broker signed clearly states, ‘Broker pays all loading and unloading fees,’ so call them about it.”

    The fork truck driver swears and whines a little, but they end up calling the broker. He starts hemming and hawing about it with the shipper, trying to holding me ransom, basically. I get fed up and tell the broker:

    Me: “I’m bailing on this load since you’ve taken two hours, which is also a breach of the contract you signed with me.”

    Then I tell the shipper:

    Me: “Please unload me so I can leave.”

    Shipper: Getting combative “I’m gonna call your company!”

    Me: “All right, then. Go ahead.”

    She calls, and my cell phone rings. I answer it and shout:

    Me: “MY F****** TRUCK, MY F****** TRAILER! GET YOUR S*** OUT OF IT!”

    It cost a s***-ton to pay for my trailer, but d***, it’s worth it to be my own boss!

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    Yakety Sax  3 days ago

    Volvo My God, Shut Up!

    My dad runs his own business, an auto shop. I used to help out when I was in high school during the long summers and I remember how he used to handle the difficult customers.

    A customer has driven into the shop without an appointment and started barking orders:

    Customer: “I need [long list of things] done for my car.”

    Dad: “Okay, well we’ll need to schedule you in. The next available slot is tomorrow—”

    Customer: “—tomorrow? Uh… no? I need this done right now.”

    Dad: “There are other customers and their jobs ahead of you.”

    Customer: Looking around. “I’m the only customer here.”

    Dad: “Yes but their cars are here and I’m working on them now.”

    Customer: “What, like that little Volvo? What work are you doing on that piece of scrap, reading it its last rites?”

    Dad: “I think we’re done here.”

    Customer: “I am the only customer in here right now and the customer is always right!”

    Dad: “The customer is always right but I decide who the customer is. You ain’t it. Leave now.”

    Customer: “You’re the only shop on this side of town!”

    Dad: “Should have thought of that before you mouthed off at my kid’s first car. Leave now, I won’t ask a third time.”

    And that customer was how I found out that the little Volvo I’d been helping my dad fix up was my seventeenth birthday present!

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    FreyjaRN Premium Member 3 days ago

    I figured that out in college with my only roommate.

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    Macushlalondra  3 days ago

    Well said, Aunty. Unfortunately the person at the top of this list is mommy dearest.

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    PraiseofFolly  3 days ago

    Apparently, few of the people she admires are teetotalers.

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    dflak  3 days ago

    I should start keeping track of how many times Ged uses this pose on Auntie.

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    dflak  3 days ago

    Seen on an officer evaluation report, “However, he is not totally useless since we can always cite him as the perfect case of a bad example.”

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    assrdood  3 days ago

    Well Aunty, right back atcha.

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    Daltongang Premium Member 3 days ago

    Let’s just say Aunty that you have been the greatest teacher on that subject of all.

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    CorkLock  3 days ago

    Déjà vu again Aunty? Call BR 549 you old drunk Hee Haw.

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    rockyridge1977  3 days ago

    Hind sight is 20-20!!!!!!

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    cuzinron47  3 days ago

    And we thank you as well.

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    wildlandwaters  3 days ago

    I’m guessing we all know someone who is a great example of what not to be!

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    Smeagol  3 days ago

    Difficult people are there to teach us two lessons – about who they are and about us and how we react; as I commented on the Lockhorns on what not to do – my lips move when I think Your Honor. I did not know he could read lips;)

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    dbrucepm  3 days ago

    this applies to some commenters who never have anything but negative posts. I see the name and skip over reading the comment

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    paullp Premium Member 3 days ago

    My wife and I, and later on, our kids, worked for the same guy (long story there). We always used him as an example of how not to be a boss.

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    gopher gofer  2 days ago

    you’re welcome…

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