Free Range by Bill Whitehead for January 04, 2025

His ancestor was a member of the “Boxer” Rebellion.

     .. and let God sort them out

Porch pirates should be treated the way pirates were back in the day; hang them from the yardarm.

“Oh the black spot is it‽”

Drapes. Get rid of those drapes and the world will have mercy on you.

Open season on porch pirates, fire at will, or bob, or sam, whatever their name is.

“To make sure all packages are delivered properly, remove the liverwurst speedily, not the funny bone.

Do not dislocate the packages."

Porch pirate reformation act of 2025

Porch pirates have so far not been a problem around here. Not saying it won’t happen.

What has been a problem is inept delivery people for more than one delivery service leaving packages at the wrong address. Luckily, the neighbors usually bring it around when they discover it.

Which is #1?

Likely story, you dumb~a~s~s …put them down and get outta here

Or I’ll call 911…..

Ya just never know if they got guns…..

He’s a poor excuse for a porch pirate.

They don’t stick around to make excuses, they just run.

That is another reason why firearms are handy.

In this case he’s going to return them for you.

My problem is with the delivery persons, they keep delivering my stuff to the wrong house. Amazingly, they send me a picture of the delivery site and it’s always someone else’s porch!

What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning?

Fortunately, it looks like he isn’t buyin’ it.