Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for March 12, 2025

Well, You Can’t Argue With That

I’m standing in the hallway at court and I overhear a lawyer talking to her client before their hearing.

Lawyer: “Look, your ex and their lawyer politely said in their response that you’re a piece of s***, and I’m not honestly confident they’d lose that argument.”

You Can’t Really Argue With That

I am a ballet teacher. On this occasion, I am teaching a small group of six- and seven-year-old beginners.

Student #1: “Miss [My Name], why does ballet only count to eight?”

Me: “I’m not entirely sure. I think it’s because music is usually counted in four, and two sets of four is eight, but I don’t know for certain. The problem is that ballet is really old, so we don’t have many records of why things are the way that they are.”

Student #2: “Wait, how old is ballet?”

Me: “The earliest beginnings of ballet are over 600 years old.”

Student #1: “Woah… That’s even older than Disney Plus!”

You Could Argue That, But What Would Be The Point?

My brother, sister-in-law, and I are playing a game where some of the rules are a bit… open to interpretation.

Me: Paraphrasing the card I’m playing “‘This turn, the most argumentative player goes first, and the least argumentative goes last.’ Can we go ahead and agree that that means [Brother], then me, and then [Sister-In-Law]?”

Sister-In-Law: “Sure.”

Brother: “NO!”

He went first. She went last.

You Can Only Argue So Far

I am the supervisor and manager of my department. A customer insisted that something happened while shopping in our store. I checked our CCTV and what she said happened never did. She argued relentlessly with me.

Customer: “You’re lying! And your video is lying!”

She then went to customer services for a supervisor, and of course, she got me. Then, she demanded a manager for the department. Me again. We went back and forth for about twenty minutes, and in the end, I’d had enough.

Me: “You will not be getting anything from us because what you claim did not happen. If you don’t stop making a scene, I will ban you completely from coming into the store.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

I got a banning letter and began filling it out.

Customer: Smugly “You don’t know my name or address!”

I might have laughed.

Me: “Your name and address are in my system from previous deliveries.”

Suddenly, she wasn’t arguing anymore. She left the store.

Nearby Customer: “I wanted to smack her! How did you resist?”

I just smiled and walked off.

One Coupon Does Not Fit All

I am walking into a gas station and overhear a customer complaining at the counter:

Customer: “It’s a coupon for a cheeseburger!”

Cashier: “It’s not a valid coupon, sir.”

Customer: “There’s no reason why you can’t accept it!”

Cashier: “One, this is a gas station! Two, that is a Burger King coupon! Three, it expired in 2021.”

I got my items from the other cashier, and when I left, the guy had started arguing about what year it was…

That’s true. Hubby and I did that early on. Now, we never argue.

My wife and I, we’d never fight

We calmly talked things over to find out why I’m right

Now I can say with the honesty of cheers

We were married for three happy years

(3 out of 21 that is)

I never argue with my wife. I give her time to come to my conclusion. ;-)

Again?

Oh that is easy. We once worked a homicide where a wife shot her husband because he put is fishing worms in the refrigerator. They were in a sealed container and couldn’t get out, but she got mad, shot and killed him.

You can argue about anything if you try hard enough.

……..and that couch is a perfect fit!!!!

My wife and I are like this. By the time we clarify our respective points we wind up in violent agreement.

Oh, yes. Same facts and experiences; different interpretations.

My wife and I are sometimes in violent agreement.

You’re obviously not ‘yes’ people.