Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for March 25, 2025

Wild Times With Wiggles

I’m walking down a lane I take home that has houses on one side and a grassy park with a lot of trees on the other side. I travel down there every day with zero issues, but today I encounter an unattended boxer dog. I’ve never encountered this dog, so have no idea where it lives and even if it lives down this lane. It’s also an unknown dog to me and I’m a stranger to it, so it may be aggressive. I stop a little distance away from it.

For some reason, I adopt that cutesy voice people use when they talk to dogs.

Me: “Well, hello there.”

The dog wags its entire body in happiness.

Me: “I don’t think you should be out here all by yourself, should you?”

The dog keeps on wagging.

Me: “Where’s your mummy or daddy, then?”

I hear a disembodied woman’s voice coming from a house.

Woman: “OH, S***! WHERE IS HE?!”

Me: To the dog “There’s your mummy!” Calling out “Excuse me, you missing a boxer?”

The woman appears, having just left her back garden.

Woman: “Yes! I’m so sorry! I know he’s big but he’s a sweetie. People make him waggle with joy!”

It turned out that they’d just moved to the area and that Wiggles — the dog — was able to jump the fence. They quickly had a new, higher fence in place.

I get it. I’m like her.

Yeah, this being wild keeps interfering with my naps.

I can’t be that wild. 5 pm or so is my limit.

In my pjs by 5, in bed after Jeopardy (by 8pm). To be fair, I like getting up between 3-4am.

in my teens and 20s born to be wild, these days it’s born to be mild.

7 for me.

Get the tv changer

Head out to the sofa

Lookin’ for a channel

And whatever comes our way

Yeah, darlin’, gonna watch it happen

Take the show in a love embrace

Surf all the TV stations and

Settle on The Great Race

I like junk and commercials’

Heavy metal sucks

Racin’ to the bathroom

And the feelin’ that I’m under

Yeah, darlin’, gonna watch it happen

Take the show in a love embrace

Surf all the TV stations and

Settle on The Great Race

Like a true lazy child

I were born, born to be mild

Can’t climb to high

I hope this show will die

Born to be mild

Born to be mild

Get the tv changer

Head out to the sofa

Lookin’ for adventure

And whatever comes our way

Yeah, darlin’, gonna watch it happen

Take the show in a love embrace

Surf all the TV stations and

Settle on The Great Race

Like a true lazy child

We were born, born to be mild

We can climb so high

I never wanna die

Born to be mild

Born to be mild

Do you believe in life after death????…….I don’t believe in life after supper!!!!

One can only be wild for so long after one reaches a certain age.

“Cigarettes and whiskey and wild, wild women…”

Auntie is quite the night owl.