Herman by Jim Unger for March 29, 2023

He could run a millionth of a marathon.

A financial donor? To pay the bills? That would be fine.

Doctor: I have good news and bad news. Patient: Give me the good news. Doctor: you have 24 hours to live. Patient: That’s the good news? What’s the bad news? Doctor: I should have told you yesterday.

A doctor once gave me 6 months to live. I told him it would take me that long just to afford to pay him. He gave me 6 more months.

“The so-so news is that it was Methuselah’s kid brother. Wanna chance it?”

Beggers can’t be choosers.

I thought organ donations only came from accident victims. The fact that this guy was getting out of the house enough to have an accident puts him ahead of most 104-year-olds, health-wise.

it’s like all the"junk" in my house – the older it is – though still in excellent cosmetic shape and good working order – the harder it is to give away.

If he and the organ lasted that long, it should be good.

Not too many miles left in a 104 year old part. Except for the fun of getting the parts out, there is not much resale value in them.

This guy needs a liver, and the 104-year-old could only provide liver spots.

Bad when parts that old are better than what they will replace.

Good the donor was kind enough to donate.

But there’s more good news, we can get you an extended warranty on the parts.

It’s not the years, it’s the mileage.