Kliban by B. Kliban for February 21, 2025

But it’s shark week.

I don’t understand.

But maybe there’s nothing to understand.

Dude should have used a toaster.

Having missed the spermatozoon whale with his harpoon to kill it, Ahab intended to render it sterile with radiation from an old improperly shielded color TV set.

“I’ll turn you into an imbecile!”

and if that doesn’t work, next up : the kitchen sink

Ahab wants to share a shocking experience with Moby.

“From hell’s heart I throw a TV at thee!”

Wasn’t it nice of Ahab to show Moby the movie about them, playing on tv? I guess it is plugged into a battery, but still could use rabbit ears, unless there is also a VCR in the boat . . .

All I have to do is open my mouth just once……..LOL

“And then I say – and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this because it’s an analogy – if there’s a shark about 10 yards away, ‘do I get electrocuted or do I go with the shark?’ I would take electrocution all day long.”

Here we see the worlds first whale psychiatrist attempting to elevate a depressed whale’s mood with Mork and Mindy reruns.

“From hell’s dark heart, I stab at thee!” shouted Ahab.