Last Kiss by John Lustig for February 10, 2023

Her: “I’M picking up the Bill? Which one is Bill? Just point, I’ll introduce myself.”

“Humph! About all he probably uses his wallet for is to cover half his butt.”

The first condom he ever bought? Never and not likely to be used.

The phrase ’ Your picking up the check ’ is followed by a Knee to the Groin , Ouch !

Just be careful. Rubber rots when it gets too old.

“Dress like it is painted on” is sooo cliché. Now finger painted on is a bit different

Reminds me of my favorite pickup line… “I’m not really this tall. I’m sitting on my wallet.”

She knows he has a credit card from Capital One

Never keep a condom in your wallet, they degrade quickly.

Dear Abby

Dump this cheapskate. He doesn’t have your best interest in mind!

LIEUTENANT: The nuns at school always insisted that we keep 6 inches between dance partners.t

SERGEANT: One more grind like that last one and I’ll be able to measure that out to the quarter inch for ya!

He’s got a License to Love. Made it himself. Plus his Captain Midnight membership card.

“…. every dime and dollar he ever managed to amass.”

It is not his wallet, but he is happy to see her.

Here’s Part 2 of my Frank Frazetta story. To recap, Frank Frazetta Jr called one night to tell me there was a problem with the original work of art I had ordered. The next day I went to work seeking advice on how to handle this. Everyone, men and women both, agreed that this was a fabulously fabulous gift and I couldn’t say anything because it would ruin the experience for my wife. A week or so later my wife asked me if anyone from the Frazetta museum had called me recently. In my typical deer-caught-in-headlights expression, I replied “Maybe”. My wife told me that she had called the museum herself that day since Christmas was rapidly approaching and they had already charged her credit card but no drawing had been delivered yet. She happened to talk to Mrs Frazetta Jr who told her that her husband had called the week before and talked to someone about this. Then the light dawned and she said “He probably shouldn’t have done that.” That was when they both agreed that the only possible reaction from them was “MEN!!” because Frank Jr had ruined the surprise, Frank Sr had taken my drawing to Europe with him, and the icing on the cake, I had answered the phone when it rang. What had I been thinking? What would possess me to answer the phone when it rang?

Captial One?

In his wallet is like between his ears….empty space.

maybe they should order some paint remover, too…

“Beat it, cheap creep. And go home, too”!

In which order? smirk

Body paint looks better.

He’s an enlisted man as I recall; he should have stripes on his sleeve.