" ’E’s not pinin’! ’E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ’E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ’E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ’e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ’istory! ’E’s off the twig! ’E’s kicked the bucket, ’e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
In celebration of Thanksgiving, a genteel widow went to a pet shop to buy a parrot. She found a rather splendid one, but the manager warned her it had been raised by a sailor and had a foul mouth. The woman was confident she could reform him, so she took him home, where she soon discovered just how foul a mouth he had.
Not a person to be trifled with, the woman took that bird and locked him in a dark closet for half an hour. Then she put him back in his cage and addressed him solemnly. “Now have you learned your lesson?” The parrot was unbowed, and responded with the same curses as before.
Back to the closet he went, this time for an hour. Again he was asked, “Have you learned your lesson?” And again, undaunted, he squawked his curses. With that, the woman opened the refrigerator door and thrust the parrot inside. When at last she pulled him out, he’d turned blue, his feathers were frozen stiff, and an icicle was hanging from his beak. “Well, now,” she asked triumphantly, “Are we going to say those words anymore?”
“N-n-oo, m-m-ma’am!” said the parrot humbly and with the greatest courtesy, “B-b-but could you please tell me, ma’am, what the turkey in there did?”
A magician worked on a cruise ship……..the audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, It’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the Captain’s’ parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot…
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said…..“Alright, good one but i can’t take it any longer, what did you do with the ship???”
A childhood friend of mine’s dad had a cockatoo and he taught the bird the usual Good Morning, How are you? etc. but the dad would cuss also and the bird who was always by him picked up those words too – d**n you cu**e you but after a while he thought it would be funny to teach him some new ones – where’s my g*n? Sure stopped people in their tracks lol
If you guys are posting parrot jokes…this woman bought this parrot, which would say, “I’m a w-h-o-r-e!” over and over again. At her wit’s end, she talked it over with her priest, who told her that he had two parrots, who said nothing but their prayers. If she left her parrot with them, surely her parrot would learn to speak politely. After the woman’s parrot was put with the priest’s parrot, and said, “I’m a w-h-o-r-e!” one of the priest’s parrots turned to the other and said, “And you thought prayer wouldn’t work!”
Ratkin Premium Member 5 days ago
Well, sure. He’s a stool parrot.
LookingGlass Premium Member 5 days ago
Leroy should have bought a …. dead parrot!!!
;-)
oldpine52 5 days ago
He should have got a Norwegian Blue.
snsurone76 5 days ago
Tat’s not a parrot; it’s a stool pigeon!
Gandalf 4 days ago
This parrot’s dead… But it looks more like a Norwegian Red ..
ʲᔆ 4 days ago
surprised it can get a word in edgewise
Robert- 50d99b] 4 days ago
Fried Parrot is small but tasty. Put the Parrot in the freezer with the frozen chicken, we will see if it figures it out.
ncorgbl 4 days ago
" ’E’s not pinin’! ’E’s passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! ’E’s expired and gone to meet ‘is maker! ’E’s a stiff! Bereft of life, ‘e rests in peace! If you hadn’t nailed ‘im to the perch ’e’d be pushing up the daisies! ‘Is metabolic processes are now ’istory! ’E’s off the twig! ’E’s kicked the bucket, ’e’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin’ choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!"
EMGULS79 4 days ago
In celebration of Thanksgiving, a genteel widow went to a pet shop to buy a parrot. She found a rather splendid one, but the manager warned her it had been raised by a sailor and had a foul mouth. The woman was confident she could reform him, so she took him home, where she soon discovered just how foul a mouth he had.
Not a person to be trifled with, the woman took that bird and locked him in a dark closet for half an hour. Then she put him back in his cage and addressed him solemnly. “Now have you learned your lesson?” The parrot was unbowed, and responded with the same curses as before.
Back to the closet he went, this time for an hour. Again he was asked, “Have you learned your lesson?” And again, undaunted, he squawked his curses. With that, the woman opened the refrigerator door and thrust the parrot inside. When at last she pulled him out, he’d turned blue, his feathers were frozen stiff, and an icicle was hanging from his beak. “Well, now,” she asked triumphantly, “Are we going to say those words anymore?”
“N-n-oo, m-m-ma’am!” said the parrot humbly and with the greatest courtesy, “B-b-but could you please tell me, ma’am, what the turkey in there did?”
Strawberry King 4 days ago
A magician worked on a cruise ship……..the audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was only one problem: The captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the Magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, “Look, It’s not the same hat!” or, “Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table!” Or “Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”
The magician was furious but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the Captain’s’ parrot.
Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it … With the parrot…
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day… And then 2 days. And then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said…..“Alright, good one but i can’t take it any longer, what did you do with the ship???”
magicfever495 4 days ago
The Late Great John Fox
Smeagol 4 days ago
A childhood friend of mine’s dad had a cockatoo and he taught the bird the usual Good Morning, How are you? etc. but the dad would cuss also and the bird who was always by him picked up those words too – d**n you cu**e you but after a while he thought it would be funny to teach him some new ones – where’s my g*n? Sure stopped people in their tracks lol
cuzinron47 4 days ago
It just confirmed what she already knew.
Robert Nowall Premium Member 4 days ago
If you guys are posting parrot jokes…this woman bought this parrot, which would say, “I’m a w-h-o-r-e!” over and over again. At her wit’s end, she talked it over with her priest, who told her that he had two parrots, who said nothing but their prayers. If she left her parrot with them, surely her parrot would learn to speak politely. After the woman’s parrot was put with the priest’s parrot, and said, “I’m a w-h-o-r-e!” one of the priest’s parrots turned to the other and said, “And you thought prayer wouldn’t work!”
Draway 4 days ago
It’s just “pining for the fjords”.
jmcenanly 4 days ago
At least it is not pining for the fjords of Norway.
cellodude1990 4 days ago
I remember several Gary Larson cartoons and a Geico commercial that used a parrot saying incriminating things as a gag.
WentHulk 3 days ago
haha Leroy