Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for November 12, 2015

Ok, no sports analyst is that stupid.

In further news, the football analyst has determined that the leather thing that the players keep throwing and kicking is a football.:Hey, it’s no dumber than anything else those bozos say.

They must be setting Rat up to be the next Howard Cosell.

Well, Rat has a point. I mean, it’s just a fancier way of saying, “Really, Sherlock? What was your first clue?”

“So, Trent, will a heart beat also be integral to today’s game?”

Many years ago, the Red Sox manager was a man named Joe Morgan. No, not the Hall of Fame 2nd baseman. Another guy. He was known for his dry sense of humor and, while being frequently quotable, a general disregard for the press. Once, when asked why the Sox had lost a particular game, he replied “lack of runs.”

Ok, it has to be said. Rat is clearly overqualified for the job.

Trent probably played the game himself. I suppose he could use “numerous concussions” as an excuse. But, simply, Trent is a leadhead. Rat’s relentless pursuit of sportscasting excellence continues?

Showing up for the game is important when there is an injury to a key player no matter what the sport…….still having trouble with Rat in a suit……would like to see Larry Croc in a suit doing the sports reporting next…..so will someone take out Rat with a bat then we can bring on Larry for some really good questions !

Rat just said what I’ve always wanted to say to a sportscaster. Go Rat!!!

On any given day, any team can win..Oddly, though, only half of them do.

yeah, they’re that stupid. the radio sports guys are, too

“WOW, Bubba, did you see that play? What do you think of that play?”.“Duuuhhhhhhh!”

I would bet, based on how sports commentators go on and on, sometimes saying the most inane things, that they are paid by the word.

The very concept of sportscasters insinuates that viewers are too stupid to understand what’s happening and need to be told. Just hit the mute button.

Even more crucial is that they come to play football.

@mammamoonbeam – they tried an “announcer free” NFL game about 30 years ago. It did not go well. Although we ridicule them for obviousness, they have become expected white noise.

“WOW, how did he get so wide open?”“That has got to be the best designed play I’ve ever seen!”“The coach must be a genius!”“Uh George, the defender tripped and fell at the scrimmage line.”“I just knew there had to be a reason. So Bill didn’t I hear that your new book, ‘How to Call a Replay’ is coming out this week?’”

would of been a lot more accurate it that was a woman analyst he was asking.

My mom was a big football fan. She would mute the TV announcers and turn up the radio announcers. It worked best if they were on the same time delay.

But I’ve heard things as silly as, “The game will be won by the team that can field the best offense and the best defense.”

Some commentators are entertaining. Dennis Cometti is an Australian Rules Football announcer for the Seven Network. Here’s some of his quotes:.Memorable Cometti Footy Quotes:

“Barlow to Bateman, the Hawks are attacking alphabetically.”“The Magpies ought to be kicking themselves right now, but with their luck, they’d probably miss.”“He went into the pack optimistically and came out misty optically.”“Why would he do that. There’s more cameras here than Tokyo airport.”“Hay is bailed up on the boundary line…”“Carr drives along the wing…”“Parker to Carr……sounds like a match made in heaven!”“Like a Melbourne Tram, a lot jumped on but nothing was paid.”“Farmer may have an injury to his calf……..hmmm, a farmer with a calf problem."“Richo’s play is red-hot, but his goal-kicking is at room temperature."“The Bunsen burner’s being applied to Danny Frawley’s posterior. He’s in the hot seat.”“Spider had both his legs taken out from under him – leaving only the other six to balance on.”“He’s made a typo! – he wanted Bickley and he’s got Buckley!”“Shaun (McManus) goes back to collect the ball, a free kick, and several teeth.”“In for the Cats today, David and Steve Johnson. Who better to patch up a line-up than Johnson & Johnson?”“Ball in dispute, Lamb, now Yze the meat in the sandwich. Really Lamb should be in the sandwich.”“Diabetics look away cause that was Sweet.”“Brent (Guerra) hates losing and that extends to his hair.”“Dennis Cometti, several years ago, Fremantle v Port, Josh Carr wearing 9 for Port, crunches his brother Matthew, wearing 9 for Freo. “How’s that, a two Carr collision, both with the same rego!”“Daniel Metropolis playing for the Eagles was gang tackled by three opposition players. “Now there’s a city under siege.”“I wonder what the team psychologist will make of that. (Shane) Tuck dropped the mark and immediately shouted out his own surname.”“At one point in a match Dennis referred to Ryan Hargrave as looking “fresh”, but then later Hargrave was taken off the field with ice wrapped around his ankle. Another commentator noted that Hargrave didn’t look very fresh any more, prompting Dennis to say, “If he was an avocado, you wouldn’t buy him”“(Nathan) Bassett’s my man. He never takes a breather. If he was a postman I reckon he’d finish his round in 20 minutes, stopping only to bite a few dogs.”

“I think it all comes down to which team can execute better. The team that executes better will probably win.”

Showing up for the game is a vital part of winning… teams that miss games almost never win.

rats jobs never go well

Trent sounds like John Madden, to me. I swear he’d say stuff just to hear himself talk.

And the interviewers respond like that’s the most profound statement ever made. Just once I’d like to hear the interviewer respond with “Well, DUUH!”

I think the analysts come with a prepared list of "keys of the game " cliches and pick 2 or 3 at random.

Oh how I hope Rat interviews an official this week . . .

Goat or Zebra would make far better Sports Analysts.

Speaking of which. Where has Zebra been lately?

xxx

sorry Leftwingpatriot, but they are that stupid. I heard one say, “the key will be scoring more points and hopefully more than the other team” smh, dumb as a box of rocks

I wonder if Trent is thinking of opening a boutique.

What I always find dumb and a duhh moment is when one team is down by 4 points and it’s before or after the 2 minute warning, and the announcers almost always say something along the lines of: To win this game they have go all the way across the field and score a touch down. A field goal won’t help them.