Being no spring chicken myself, I enjoy the stories of age and wiliness conquering other seeming limitations. Such is tonight’s Presentation:
A Seasoned Citizen walks into a fine jewelry store on a Friday afternoon just before closing time with a Sweet Young Thing on his arm; she’s all sorts of giggly-wiggly-pretty and young enough to be his granddaughter…though it’s obvious she’s not.
“Pick whatever you want, my Dear – the sky’s the limit!” he intones.
Squealing with delight, she selects a lovely, diamond-studded tennis bracelet with a price tag that would put many family houses to shame. Without any argument, he takes out his checkbook and writes a check for the full amount plus tax.
“I’m very pleased to have your business, Sir,” the clerk tells him. “But you must know I can’t let you actually have the bracelet until Monday, when the banks open and your check clears.”
“Oh, that’s alright,” the old codger tells him. “We’re just on our way to my hotel room now anyway. I’ll stop by on Monday.”
When Monday rolls around, the old man once again enters the jewelry store. “Why, you old fraud! How could you?” fumes the clerk. “There wasn’t a red cent in that account.”
“Oh, I knew that,” the man explains. “I didn’t come to get the bracelet. I just wanted to thank you for the marvelous weekend I just had.”
I’m just asking what’s on my mind, but are there any super hot Indonesian noodles that temporally blind you? Maybe the same ones when the noodles’ sauce gets slurped into your eyes.
Well, here’s another contribution to the popularity of RBION -
It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bathand the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been Saved.”
“Saved? And how did that come about?” asked the old nun.
“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”
“Did he?” said the old nun curiously.
Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”
“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more curiously.
“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”
“That wicked old pedophile” said the old nun.
“He told me it was Gabriel’s Horn and I’ve been practicing it for 40 years.”
Since McDonald’s is mentioned, a burger joke is on topic, right?
Little Johnny loved burgers. There was no limit to how many he could eat. “Eat your vegetables instead”, his mother scolded him, “or your belly will be som big you won’t fit trough the door!”
On day they were out walking, Johnny spotted a very fat man and shouted out “LOOK MAMA, THAT MAN MUST HAVE EATEN A LOT OF BURGERS!” Terribly embarassed, she dragged him straight home, gave him a spanking and sent him to his room without supper, and with a stern warning never to say something like that again.
A few days later he was out again, and this time he saw a pregnant woman. Not one to repeat his mistakes, Johnny snuck up to her and quietly wispered: “Well, I know what you did, but I’m not allowed to say it. But it sure was good, wasn’t it?”
Next logical step: stationary bikes you have to pedal to charge the self-ordering kiosk….after which you will have to go in back and make the food yourself of course.
eromlig over 2 years ago
Being no spring chicken myself, I enjoy the stories of age and wiliness conquering other seeming limitations. Such is tonight’s Presentation:
A Seasoned Citizen walks into a fine jewelry store on a Friday afternoon just before closing time with a Sweet Young Thing on his arm; she’s all sorts of giggly-wiggly-pretty and young enough to be his granddaughter…though it’s obvious she’s not.
“Pick whatever you want, my Dear – the sky’s the limit!” he intones.
Squealing with delight, she selects a lovely, diamond-studded tennis bracelet with a price tag that would put many family houses to shame. Without any argument, he takes out his checkbook and writes a check for the full amount plus tax.
“I’m very pleased to have your business, Sir,” the clerk tells him. “But you must know I can’t let you actually have the bracelet until Monday, when the banks open and your check clears.”
“Oh, that’s alright,” the old codger tells him. “We’re just on our way to my hotel room now anyway. I’ll stop by on Monday.”
When Monday rolls around, the old man once again enters the jewelry store. “Why, you old fraud! How could you?” fumes the clerk. “There wasn’t a red cent in that account.”
“Oh, I knew that,” the man explains. “I didn’t come to get the bracelet. I just wanted to thank you for the marvelous weekend I just had.”
eromlig over 2 years ago
The stationary bike is doubtless a dynamo — why would Mickey D’s waste their own electricity? Besides, the mark may work up an appetite.
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
I’m just asking what’s on my mind, but are there any super hot Indonesian noodles that temporally blind you? Maybe the same ones when the noodles’ sauce gets slurped into your eyes.
Charlie Fogwhistle over 2 years ago
Well, here’s another contribution to the popularity of RBION -
It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bathand the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed. Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.
The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.
“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been Saved.”
“Saved? And how did that come about?” asked the old nun.
“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”
“Did he?” said the old nun curiously.
Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if The Key to Heaven fits my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then, Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”
“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more curiously.
“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my Heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved.”
“That wicked old pedophile” said the old nun.
“He told me it was Gabriel’s Horn and I’ve been practicing it for 40 years.”
Until Next Time.
monkeysky over 2 years ago
Has anyone else noticed that the thumbnail for this comic has been promoting the 100th anniversary for about three years now?
RLG Premium Member over 2 years ago
Since McDonald’s is mentioned, a burger joke is on topic, right?
Little Johnny loved burgers. There was no limit to how many he could eat. “Eat your vegetables instead”, his mother scolded him, “or your belly will be som big you won’t fit trough the door!”
On day they were out walking, Johnny spotted a very fat man and shouted out “LOOK MAMA, THAT MAN MUST HAVE EATEN A LOT OF BURGERS!” Terribly embarassed, she dragged him straight home, gave him a spanking and sent him to his room without supper, and with a stern warning never to say something like that again.
A few days later he was out again, and this time he saw a pregnant woman. Not one to repeat his mistakes, Johnny snuck up to her and quietly wispered: “Well, I know what you did, but I’m not allowed to say it. But it sure was good, wasn’t it?”
whahoppened over 2 years ago
btw. 20 million is how much it is diluted until you can just barely taste it.
Huckleberry Hiroshima over 2 years ago
I did 81.6 mph downhill backwards while tumbling and screaming.
Take care, may human moon rocket Ronald Beans “I Wear My PJs With The Flap Open For This Very Reason” Phartord be with you, and gesundheit.
chaosed2 over 2 years ago
Next logical step: stationary bikes you have to pedal to charge the self-ordering kiosk….after which you will have to go in back and make the food yourself of course.
Technicholls over 2 years ago
Seems I saw that backwards skiing trick on an old Abbott & Costello movie.
Nala the Great over 2 years ago
I am going to tell a joke I heard about 50 years ago.
Two men were having lunch at a very upscale restaurant when they both dived under the table to hide.
The first man askes "Why are you hiding here?
The second man replies “I just saw my wife and mistress coming in together! What about you?”
The first man replies “Same reason!”
I hope you all like it!
mindjob over 2 years ago
They should sell death noodles in Death Valley
poppacapsmokeblower over 2 years ago
Skiing backwards, I didn’t see that coming!
stamps over 2 years ago
If you have covid, can you eat death noodles with impunity?
BiathlonNut over 2 years ago
Young Sean at confession one Sunday:
Father, Father, forgive me for I have sinned.
What was your sin? Tell me and you will be forgiven.
Well, father, I had sexual relations this last week.
Well, son who did you commit this sin with? Was it Sophie?
I promised the girl I would not tell. But, Father, it wasn’t Sophie?
Well, son. was it Paige?
No Father, not Paige.
Was it Aurora?
No, Father. I cannot tell.
Well, son. Give me 10 Holy Marys, put your loose change in the pot on the way out.
Sean did as he was told, left the church and met his friend who was waiting outside.
Well, Sean, how did it go?
Great! I got three more names!
dv1093 over 2 years ago
Ripley’s needs to start a sub category titled “Really STUPID People.”
Bilan over 2 years ago
Ben’s throat was probably trying to escape through his ears when he ate those noodles.
pbr50138 over 2 years ago
After eating the noodles, Ben went deaf for two minutes? How long was he screaming, when he went to the bathroom?