Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 10, 2022

Tonight I continue my theme of Absolutely True Stories. It’s true, the rutabaga is a personal friend.

An onion, a rutabaga and a carrot are out for a drive when they get into a bad accident. The onion and the rutabaga aren’t seriously injured, but the carrot seems to be in bad shape. 911 is called; the carrot is rushed to the ER. Hours go by as the onion and rutabaga sit nervously in the waiting room.Finally, the surgeon comes out. “Well, I have good news and bad news,” he begins. “Your friend is still alive; that’s the good news.”

“And the bad news?” the rutabaga asks.

“I’m afraid he’s going to be a vegetable the rest of his life.”

NOTE: My postings for the next week or so will be curtailed due to needing to go on a cruise with my wife (my current wife, not the ex). Her all-time favorite singer, Pat Boone, will be on board, so we’re spending our investments and life’s savings to go celebrity stalking. Wish us bon voyage, all!

How long ago was Jones’ feat? Did he go into Guinness Book of World Records?

That process is known as “cold welding”, and will work in any vacuum, but it works best if you clean off the layer of oxidation and other contamination that happens in the atmosphere, first.

In space, two aliens are talking to each other.

The first alien says, “The dominant life forms on the Earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons.”

The second alien asks, “Are they an emerging intelligence?”

The first alien says, “I don’t think so, they have them aimed at themselves”

The largest U.S. gold reserve is NOT at Ft. Knox. BION!

At this time 8,000 tons of gold would pay off about 1% of the United States national debt.

There’s also the original Declaration of Independence, US Constitution, Gettysburg address, a Gutenberg Bible and some very rare coins, 1933 Double Eagles and 1974 Aluminum Pennies. Once, there was the Hungarian Crown of St. Stephen, taken by US troops in WWII and returned to Hungary in the 70’s. And there used to be enough opium and morphine to get all of the US high as a kite. Stored there in case of war and a disruption of poppy.

yeah? then why is no one allowed to see the gold? “the last somewhat credible examination of Fort Knox’s gold was in 1953.” parts of it have been open since, but only parts, like in 1974 and 2017

This one also has the word gold in it.

Woman: “Doctor…I have 2 green marks on the inside of my thigh!!”

“Does your husband have pierced ears?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Tell him, his earrings aren’t gold.”

What would cause 2 pieces of the same metal touching in space to bond? What’s the source for this one?

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.

He asked his wife Mary if she would go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go.

While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was finished, Mary asked him, “How much is that faucet?”

The manager replied, “That’s a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00.”

Mary exclaimed, “My goodness, that’s an expensive faucet — certainly out of my price range..”

She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.

The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.

From the storeroom the manager yelled.“Ma’am, you wanna screw for the hinge?”

Mary shouted back,“No, but I will for the faucet.”

This is why you can’t send a woman to Home Depot.

That should prevent any seam leaks in the space station.

Gert Frobe wants his share

Was Toddy trying to get into the Guinness Book of Stupid???

Saw a news report yesterday that the world’s central banks are buying all the gold they can get their hands on. Maybe they know something.

No wonder Goldfinger wanted to crack Fort Knox

When Richard Pryor caught fire after his crack pipe exploded, I don’t recall him expressing a desire to pound nails with his fist.

With metals bonding permanently in space, how do astronauts get out of their capsules after they return to Earth?

I don’t know if Todd Jones hammered the nail with his bare fist or not. But most anyone, if they are in pretty good shape, could probably do it if they had a tough thick glove on. However, being on fire probably wouldn’t make it any easier to hammer the nail.

Very ironic as they were showing Goldfinger on TV which of course has character James Bond.

Is that true about the metals? Why?