Rubes by Leigh Rubin for April 03, 2023

At least he/she/it got right the fact that light-years measure distance, not time.

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I’m being set up,

Sleep Piloting, for sure.

Busted!

All circumstantial evidence!

But mom…you should see this girl. She had 3 heads and 17 arms! She’s beautiful.

Not to mention how dirty the probing sticks are

Teenagers, what are you gonna do?

So, all the UFOs are really alien teenagers joy riding? Explains a lot!

7 billion light-years. That is amazingly (unbelievably) far to travel in one night – to be able to go the distance from earth in the Milky Way Galaxy all the way to the Andromeda Galaxy and back over a thousand times in one night.

Well clearly whoever did the driving hid the keys in my pocket to frame me. Who would be dumb enough to put the keys in their own pocket after draining the fuel rods.

And how there’s a certain scent of a particular fungi that makes you hear colors and see sounds when you inhale in a certain way?

Busted!

It was the empty cup and fries under the seat.

My wife might find out I went to McDonald’s this morning

Did he look in the ship’s mess hall yet? Looks like human bones in the trash…

There was a supernova party in galaxy M-113.

The edge of the observable universe is only 14 billion light years away. That must have been some joy ride!

And there’s pieces of human stuck in the landing gear.

Don’t forget the dirty anal probe