Speed Bump by Dave Coverly for December 09, 2024

Wasn’t there a Victor Borge routine where he substituted every number, or word part that sounds like a number, with the next higher number, supposedly due to inflation? Like “Before I had a tutor” would come out “befive I had a threetor.” He may even have started it “Twice upon a time.”

Why not upgrade the opening sentence to. " Once below a clock…" or " Previously beside a calendar…"?

That’s more like it. Thrice next time.

My daughters shared a bed when we lived in an apartment. When one got sick, so did the other one.

Along the line of, “Fractured Fairytales,” once upon a time the princess(es) are twins, trapped(?) in a tall tower where one twin, awake, is guarding her sleeping sister. Our hero(?) kisses the guardian twin, (because he doesn’t kiss without permission from the kissed, and her sister is watching). The guardian twin princess immediately falls asleep, so he kisses the sleeping princess, since her sister is no longer watching, and the sleeping princess immediately awakens. The hero realizes he’s trapped, things are not going beyond a single kiss. He can’t kiss the sleeping princess with her sister watching, and kissing the awake princess will put them both asleep. So he has the awake princess kiss her sister and the two princesses are caught in an endless loop. Which is where we get the phrase, “Like kissing your sister.”

How about “once upon a timeshare”?

Shouldn’t it be twice upon two times?

It’s a twofer ! ;-)

Better do what they say, before their eyes start glowing.

Okay, a little too cutesy.

My twin sister and I could never be put together in the same bed. We’d have kick-fights!

Just want to add a final comment about Victor Borge. He was a great Dane.