That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for November 05, 2021

Abigail realized she would be better off dating an illiterate.

“Clarence, you can’t learn to play piano from a book.”

“Why? It worked for our love life, didn’t it?”

“No, It turns out that ‘How to Hug’ was the seventh volume in a set of encyclopedia.”

“Gustavo, are you sure the almanac says strapping a cow patty to my stomach is a good contraceptive?”

“Well, it sure turns me off, alright.”

“Hang on dear, I’m still reading the name of the artist who is painting us.”

Oscar, frankly surprised to have been able to put Talulah into a trance, now searched frantically through all of his volumes about mesmerism to discover a way to awaken her.

Ooh, somebody’s in trouble! I have no idea what he did, but I have seen that look that is on the woman’s face before, and it is never good.

When you promised a storybook romance this was hardly what I had in mind!

So persistent was he as a reader, / he neglected his role as a breeder. / The lad’s fertile young bride / had less patience than pride, / and that’s how he found out he’s a bleeder.

“Up, up, my friend, and quit your books! Outside the sun is shining..”/ and if thou get not off thy butt/ alone thou’ll be, a-pining !/// Milady’s patience nears its end-/ thy chances are a-dwindling !/ The very books that grip thee now/ by Winter will be kindling./// But if thou rise to save this day/ thou shalt, on some cold morrow/ preserve thy books/ and body heat/ from soft Milady borrow ! ///“Up, up, my friend, and quit your books” !/ Waste not another second ! / methinks she’s seen another swain/ who through thy window beckoned !/ He lurketh down the garden path/ behind yon old elm tree !/ I’m giving thee this final call / that other swain is – me !

“Filthy pictures again! This is called a hat rack but hats are just an option.”

“Ah here it it is, “You can leave your hat on”."

“Hat on a stick?” hmm, I’m still searching… Nope, not patented yet. You can go ahead and file.

“C’mon, we’re gonna be late for my drag act.”

Elizabeth, realizing that once again she was going to make up a fantasy story for her diary.

“Someday, my Prince will come…” Sigh…..

Maybe Hayley should be conducting the briefing.

The thought that a live demonstration / Might fix up the whole situation / Occurred to her, yes / But she had to confess / It seemed useless on further reflection!

“Well this ‘Position of Indrani’ looks simple enough but I think I prefer to try ‘The Tigress’”

“You won’t believe what Harry Potter’s got up to now, Belinda!”

Before starting any major project review the YouStereopticon series and RTFI. I would have been stuck for hours gaining access with your left-hand fastening buttons.

“Insert tab A into Slot B.”

No matter how hard Gary Merrill tried, he could never upstage Bette Davis.

“It says here that you’re supposed to wear the hat, but I’m supposed to wear the dress. That can’t be right….”

It’s time for their “semi-annual” – so he likes to consult the manual…

According to this, your chastity belt was put on wrong and I am not going to be able to get it off over your head.

He’d learn much more if he simply did some field research…

A little hands on experience beats a whole lot of book learning.

Her posture made it obvious she was not into his furry and so he scrambled to find the best way to remove the raccoon makeup.

The Persistent Reader: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Laura_Theresa_Alma-Tadema_-_The_Persistent_Reader.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting. File history has the strip coloration image.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/11/masterpiece-2821.html 

I have added a comment there (already approved by Mr. Melcher) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far, 3 works by this artist have been used here. 

https://www.gocomics.com/that-is-priceless/2018/05/07?comments=visible 

has the prior (the here links in my blog entry comment point to the artist info URLs in my comment there, plus a few more ).

‘Wedding Night For Dummies’

JO JO. after studying for a few hours, still couldn’t decide what this creature was,kind of pretty but mostly useless.

Her body of work seems to be Dutch Golden Age genre. Albeit much more from a female perspective, and a couple of centuries later. Many appear greatly influenced by Vermeer.

He had shown her the volumes he’d bought, / yet his efforts amounted to naught. / Some had cost half his wages, / with 3-D standing pages, / but books weren’t the “pop-up” she sought.

“Oh great. Now everybody that sees this painting will know that I’m not getting some tonight.”

It was clear that Regina was bored. / She kept swinging her hat by its cord. / And her boyfriend, engrossed / by his reading, almost / had forgotten her. That’s when she snored.

She somehow looked familiar …

Sure … maybe she cut her hair … changed her dress … got rid of her dog …

I know! Let me check my office email!

“By God, you’re right! A group of crows is a murder, and group of lions is a pride, and a group of gees IS a whiz!”

“Yes, it says wearing a bag of potatoes makes your booty look bigger. But you’re supposed to wear it IN BACK!”

Her: Do you know my hat strap is wrapped around my knap sack?

Him: No, but if you’ll hum a few bars, I’ll wing it.

“Maurice, if I die, would you get another wife?”

“You’re the only wife in the world for me!”

“Really?”

“Really. I wouldn’t have another wife like you for anything!”

“Percival, the gardener quit.”

“Damn. What are we gonna do? I can’t water !