Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for January 12, 2024

Ooh, my late Wife quit wearing them. Trust me, I can tell!

i love it too … for totally different reasons

True enough. It’s obvious with me, but I am the owner of built-in water wings, so to speak. I want either countergrav built into a bra, or to retire in Luna City.

Is this because of the type of clothes or the number of layers that she wears when it’s cold?

Hi, Droopy.

No woman needs to wear a bra if she doesn’t like it. One does not have to wait for Winter to not wear one.

And who cares? Not I.

I’d be concerned about what’s peeking from under her cardigan…

That’s OK, Aunty. That’s Ooooo Kay…

And I thought she just had a fat belly but it’s her sagging t*ts. Down to her kneecaps next.

Unless you have what my mom used to call “furniture disease” – that’s when “your chest has done fallen into your drawers”

I’m not wearing one either, Aunty.

Foundation garments have always been optional.

I’ve worn a bra. They don’t call it a bra, they called it a vest. It is an external defibrillator. I had to wear it for about 6 weeks between internal devices (the first one got infected).

It was an annoyance and an inconvenience and I was glad for the occasions when I could take it off. I was glad that it was early spring and the temperatures were relatively cool. It probably would have driven me insane in hot weather.

I am also glad I only had to wear it for 6 weeks and not every day of my life since I was 12.

In my fictitious book, “101 Reasons Why I am Glad I’m Not a Girl,” there’s a whole block of numbers dedicated to bras.

Did you get that sweater from Martha Stewart????

At one point in my life, I was relatively “buff.” I had pronounced pectoral muscles and when I ran my T-shirt would get heavy with sweat and chaffe my chest.

I was kidded by the women in my wife’s office about needing a training bra. One of the women who had two tween daughters said, “I know where you can get one of them.”

I replied, “I’ll just raid my wife’s top drawer.”

I got off the couch 6 weeks later.

Who care? Not Me.

So no flashing from Aunty? Meh; ’can’t say I’m disappointed.

We’re happy it’s winter too, cause you’re wearing more clothes.

What’s that flat bulge at the bottom of your sweater?

I don’t!!!

I am a woman and I don’t wear a bra because I can’t find one comfortable enough that won’t cost me hundreds of dollars and I don’t care what others think about it, if it matters to them they can give me the money to buy an expensive bra that fits and is comfortable.

I hate winter here in the South. Coldest we’ve had for several years.