Aunty Acid by Ged Backland for January 12, 2024

Ooh, my late Wife quit wearing them. Trust me, I can tell!

i love it too … for totally different reasons

True enough. It’s obvious with me, but I am the owner of built-in water wings, so to speak. I want either countergrav built into a bra, or to retire in Luna City.

Is this because of the type of clothes or the number of layers that she wears when it’s cold?

Hi, Droopy.

No woman needs to wear a bra if she doesn’t like it. One does not have to wait for Winter to not wear one.

And who cares? Not I.

That’s OK, Aunty. That’s Ooooo Kay…

And I thought she just had a fat belly but it’s her sagging t*ts. Down to her kneecaps next.

Unless you have what my mom used to call “furniture disease” – that’s when “your chest has done fallen into your drawers”

I’m not wearing one either, Aunty.

Foundation garments have always been optional.

I’ve worn a bra. They don’t call it a bra, they called it a vest. It is an external defibrillator. I had to wear it for about 6 weeks between internal devices (the first one got infected).

It was an annoyance and an inconvenience and I was glad for the occasions when I could take it off. I was glad that it was early spring and the temperatures were relatively cool. It probably would have driven me insane in hot weather.

I am also glad I only had to wear it for 6 weeks and not every day of my life since I was 12.

In my fictitious book, “101 Reasons Why I am Glad I’m Not a Girl,” there’s a whole block of numbers dedicated to bras.

Did you get that sweater from Martha Stewart????

At one point in my life, I was relatively “buff.” I had pronounced pectoral muscles and when I ran my T-shirt would get heavy with sweat and chaffe my chest.

I was kidded by the women in my wife’s office about needing a training bra. One of the women who had two tween daughters said, “I know where you can get one of them.”

I replied, “I’ll just raid my wife’s top drawer.”

I got off the couch 6 weeks later.

Who care? Not Me.

So no flashing from Aunty? Meh; ’can’t say I’m disappointed.

We’re happy it’s winter too, cause you’re wearing more clothes.

What’s that flat bulge at the bottom of your sweater?

I don’t!!!

I am a woman and I don’t wear a bra because I can’t find one comfortable enough that won’t cost me hundreds of dollars and I don’t care what others think about it, if it matters to them they can give me the money to buy an expensive bra that fits and is comfortable.

I hate winter here in the South. Coldest we’ve had for several years.