Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for December 09, 2012

In truth, it is dang near it.

When someone said “They don’t build ’em like they used to,” my father would reply: “Thank goodness!”He remembered when a 5 year-old car was OLD and a 10 year-old car was ANCIENT. Now 20 and 30 year-old cars are ordinary.

The 2011 Audi ??

You also need new muffler bearings.

And don’t forget them there "Clem Baffles.

What? No problems with the Turbo Encabulator?

bet i could find a real nice desoto at hemmings

The freemus drive must need tightening, if the clem baffles have to be re-aligned….

And, my 30-year-old pick-up is the bomb! STILL gets 35 mpg.

‘Irv’, knows ‘Cosmo’ doesn’t know anything about cars so he can tell him anything and ‘Cosmo’ will believe him and, therefore, ‘Irv’ can charge him anything.

Those Bellvinator arms are nothing but trouble.

Sometime after the Model T, Detroit figured out that if cars wore out, we’d go buy them every 2-3 years. A car with 80,000 miles on it was old. Then those pesky Japanese and Germans came along and people noticed you could buy a Datsun or Volkswagon that would go forever. By the late 80s, we had the original bailout of Chrysler. Detroit figured it out – and it was done with our buying power. The quality system techniques the auto industry used were widely adopted by industry (sometimes voluntarily, sometimes under pressure from their industrial and major retail customers). The result – nearly everything we buy is better than it used to be.

a car as big as a boat needs red and green running light oil.

Better check the crankshaft return spring…

My car has gone from critical care to hospice care.

That is easy. The definition of high maintenance is German car.

older than dirt

Doesn’t Irv mean his car qualifies for MediCAR?

Don’t forget to change the blinker fluid.

???

waitaminute! i thought cosmo’s desoto was a ’59…if so, it would only be 54 years old (they were introduced in the fall of ’58)

I’m putting “classic” plates on my ’91 Miata when it turns 25.

Remember the Mad Magazine mechanic’s bill that listed “Pits and points plugged, plugs and points pitted and pits and plugs pointed?”

Back about 40 years ago, in a MAD Magazine piece on excuses then and now, then (which appeared to be roughly 100 years ago now) the mechanic told the driver, “Your thelman wire was corroded so we had to replace it. That’ll be ten cents.” Now (which would be, as I suggested, roughly 1972) the mechanic said, “Your thelman wire was corroded, so we had to replace your engine. That’ll be $600.”

@ t jacobs – Hemmings or Old Cars Weekly.

Most cars can last a long time with appropriate maintenance. It’s simple: Replace the nose clamps, update the helical controller firmware (1959 or older only), rotate the steering wheel, clean the chrome fender dents, and floss the edible steering column. My 1964 Chrysler Imperial only has 143,000 miles; it’s still practically new (seriously). I had a 1980 Chrysler LeBaron 318V8 which still ran fine at 250,000 miles with the original engine and transmission.

Yes, firedome is quite correct. Cosmo’s car is “supposed to be” a 1959 DeSoto; too young for Medicare. One of my friends owns a somewhat similarly-styled 1958 DeSoto Firesweep 2-door hardtop. The front end styling was the most obvious difference between 1958 and 1959 models.

Speaking of ancient creatures such as I am, in the in the fourth panel of the September 20, 2009 “Shoe” strip the dashboard of Cosmo’s DeSoto is visible clearly. The car appears to have a three-speed manual column-shift transmission, which is surprising. Since DeSotos were priced above Dodges and Plymouths, a stick-shift DeSoto was unlikely even in 1959. As a Chrysler collectors club member, I’ve seen many DeSotos of that era, but I’ve NEVER encountered one with a manual transmission newer than model year 1956 – not even on the base-model Firesweep. Had Cosmo’s car been automatic, it would have had no shift lever at all (push-buttons on the far left of the dashboard, as does my Imperial).

Made up language is nothing new for a Shoe strip. My favorite:

http://youtu.be/FpqfGr5ATTg

I liked it when Ernie called it “the catastrophic converter.” You know what I mean, Verne?