Here’s what Calvin was thinking of. Not a man and not a dog but a kangaroo goes into a bar. He orders a martini and is charged $12 for it. Bartender says, “We’ve never had a kangaroo come in here before.” Kangaroo says, “Yes, and with these prices, you’re never likely to again.”
Man walks into a bar with a giant frog on his Head, Bartender looks up and says "Hey? Buddy! What the H—L is THAT!?! Frog Replies " I Dunno, it started out as a Wart on my @ZZ!
The strip was good…. but the comments have been even better – thanks for the chuckles!
A guy walks into a bar with a piano entertainer, sits down and orders a beer. The piano player’s monkey soon jumps on the bar and urinates in the guy’s beer. The guy yells to the piano player, “Hey, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?” The piano player says, “No, but if you hum a few bars, I might remember it!”
I had a co-worker who started out his jokes with “True Story”. While it telegraphed that he was telling a joke, it did not give away the punch line. And he told some pretty funny jokes.
John Kerry rides his horse into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”Kerry says; “Well, they tell me it runs on my fath..”“I was talking to the horse !”
Now there’s this mollusk, see. And he walks up to a sea cucumber. No, wait. The mollusk swims up. They don’t have legs. No, wait. The mollusk doesn’t swim, he doesn’t walk, he just sort of stays in one place. Oh, now I’m all mixed up.
Not sure I remember what he actually says, but I wanted to take the opportunity to quote the movie that completely defines my childhood. Long live Calvin and Nemo! :)
Reminds me of a gag Rosie O’Donnell used to tell about a four-year-old telling a joke. It was about 20 years ago when I heard it. Last time I ever thought she was funny.
Generally, telling jokes is a gender thing, few women can do it.Sexist? Not really. And look at dating sites. Nearly every woman requires a man with a GSOH.
legaleagle48 about 11 years ago
I guess you just had to be there!
ghretighoti about 11 years ago
Here’s what Calvin was thinking of. Not a man and not a dog but a kangaroo goes into a bar. He orders a martini and is charged $12 for it. Bartender says, “We’ve never had a kangaroo come in here before.” Kangaroo says, “Yes, and with these prices, you’re never likely to again.”
Earnestly Frank about 11 years ago
Oh that one, Calvin! I haven’t laughed so hard in years!
Steve Bartholomew about 11 years ago
Grasshopper goes into a bar. Bartender says, “We have a drink named after you.” Grasshopper responds, “Why would you name a drink Bob?”
Veridian about 11 years ago
Man walks into a bar with a giant frog on his Head, Bartender looks up and says "Hey? Buddy! What the H—L is THAT!?! Frog Replies " I Dunno, it started out as a Wart on my @ZZ!
WoodEye about 11 years ago
Two Irishmen walk out of a bar…….
No, Really!It Could Happen!
ratlum about 11 years ago
I like those kind of jokes,my friend next door must have a hundred when he can remember any.
bluskies about 11 years ago
Typical kid telling a joke- and if you don’t laugh, their face falls and you’re an ogre with no sense of humor.
Pull my finger!
Linux0s about 11 years ago
It’s like a punchline right in the gut.
Aaron Saltzer about 11 years ago
I wonder where he heard it from. He probably wasn’t paying attention. Lol
emjaycee about 11 years ago
Guy walks into a bar. The two following him saw this and ducked just in time.
arye uygur about 11 years ago
@NUMBER SIX: It’s happened to me; I agree with you completely.Also, I had a friend who, when telling a joke, would begin by giving away the punchline.
yanavimma about 11 years ago
im looking for the guy that shot my paw
Commentator about 11 years ago
A liberal, a moderate, and a conservative walk into a bar. The bartender says “Hi Mitt.”
mkahn about 11 years ago
Three men walk into a bar, all bearded and all wearing turbans. The barman says, “What is this, some kind of Sikh joke?”
Burnside217 about 11 years ago
I’ve heard this one before. And I’ve told it a couple of times.
joebaxter69 about 11 years ago
Gay deer walks out of a bar and says “I can’t believe I blew 20 bucks in there.”
DixieNormous_69 about 11 years ago
Just go to show U………Some people can tall a joke and some people can’t !!
rkoper about 11 years ago
A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we don’t serve vegetables in here.” The mushroom replies, “But I’m a fun guy (fungi).”
yimhere about 11 years ago
The strip was good…. but the comments have been even better – thanks for the chuckles!
A guy walks into a bar with a piano entertainer, sits down and orders a beer. The piano player’s monkey soon jumps on the bar and urinates in the guy’s beer. The guy yells to the piano player, “Hey, do you know your monkey just peed in my beer?” The piano player says, “No, but if you hum a few bars, I might remember it!”
rshive about 11 years ago
I thought the dog was a Cub’s fan.
Poollady about 11 years ago
If you can’t tell the joke right, don’t tell it at all!
ajsfguy about 11 years ago
I had a co-worker who started out his jokes with “True Story”. While it telegraphed that he was telling a joke, it did not give away the punch line. And he told some pretty funny jokes.
ajsfguy about 11 years ago
oh yeah, to quote my dad’ “If you have to explain it, it isn’t funny.”
JTerrell about 11 years ago
Godd to finally see a smile on Calvin’s face.
JTerrell about 11 years ago
That’s good to see a smile on Calvin’s face.
Black4dder about 11 years ago
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a ………… ……… ………… ……………… ….. ….. ….. beer.” The bartender asks, “Why the long paws?”
Number Three about 11 years ago
I bet Calvin would remember the dirty jokes in every detail!
That is when he’s a lot older… Or not.
LOL xxx
unca jim about 11 years ago
John Kerry rides his horse into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”Kerry says; “Well, they tell me it runs on my fath..”“I was talking to the horse !”
CrazyIrishOperaGirl about 11 years ago
Now there’s this mollusk, see. And he walks up to a sea cucumber. No, wait. The mollusk swims up. They don’t have legs. No, wait. The mollusk doesn’t swim, he doesn’t walk, he just sort of stays in one place. Oh, now I’m all mixed up.
Not sure I remember what he actually says, but I wanted to take the opportunity to quote the movie that completely defines my childhood. Long live Calvin and Nemo! :)
tigerchik32 about 11 years ago
Ooh, a quantum physics joke! Cool.
jbc021 about 11 years ago
Man walks in to a bar…ouch
lindz.coop Premium Member about 11 years ago
Sigh, I can empathize with Calvin on this one — I cannot remember jokes to save my life.
K M about 11 years ago
Reminds me of a gag Rosie O’Donnell used to tell about a four-year-old telling a joke. It was about 20 years ago when I heard it. Last time I ever thought she was funny.
IrisOne about 11 years ago
That’s about the way I tell jokes:)
JR6019 about 11 years ago
A priest, a rabbi and a nun walk into a bar and the bartender says ‘Is this a joke?’
Ottodesu about 11 years ago
Generally, telling jokes is a gender thing, few women can do it.Sexist? Not really. And look at dating sites. Nearly every woman requires a man with a GSOH.
theundeer about 11 years ago
POTUS walks into a bar……and just lies there.