Frazz by Jef Mallett for October 22, 2013

I don’t have a dog

Mine ate my paycheck once. Had to go back to work and get another, bringing the saliva-soaked confetti as proof. Company started a direct deposit program soon after.

Better than your homework eating your dog.

I had one dog that tried to eat everything. He was a very smart dog, but he was very attached, too, and whenever I left the house, he’d get really upset. He would always find SOMETHING to tear up. Sometimes video tapes, books, whatever was on my desk, etc. It got to the point that I left a sacrificial paper by the door. He stopped when he got older, and he’s gone now, but I still miss him. Couldn’t crate train him, either. He bloodied himself trying to get out when I closed the door once. He was used to being able to open all doors (he really could).

Our dog really DID eat my homework once. The teacher wouldn’t buy it.

My recently adopted 3 year old Freddog is not at all destructive, but I caught him chewing on 20 dollar bills a few times this summer, probably blown on the floor by the swamp cooler .

When I was a kid, I brought the dog to school and tried to get him to vomit to prove I was telling the truth.

Did he?… well, no problem… we’ll just use the refuse you gather and reconnect for your biology project.

There was a story last week of a guy whose dog ate five Hundred dollar bills while he was on vacation. He followed the dog, reclaimed the feces… er, pieces, taped them together and took the evidence to the bank and received five new “Franklins” in exchange. If I had tried that, I’m sure everyone would have just laughed me out of the building!!!

My dog ate the dog training book.

lol! my dog chewed on his for a while, but he didn’t really eat his. I just left it in the wrong place.