Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for January 30, 2014

You can bet your balls on that.

Yep. Here, hold my drink and watch this….

They haven’t invented anything yet that I can’t figure out…

Some people just an’t got the brains God gave a rock….

Brilliant!He can now try getting a job at Zap! comics.

I was helping an electrician finish my basement. I said, “Yes, I turned off that circuit breaker.” He, um, needed a new screwdriver.

Testosterone isn’t the only thing that’s highly charged.

The NTSB has done a comprehensive study of the last words heard on cockpit flight recorders recovered from serious air-traffic incidents. The last two words recorded before impact on virtually every “black box” were identical..The first of the two words was “Oh”.

Only one individual with last words? All the other stumps in the marble forest are blank…

No doubt his next to last words. His last word was probably “AAAAHHHH”!

If one is careful, you CAN make an electrical connection to a junction box while it’s hot. After doing some work in my attic, all I had to do was connect the wires to the feed in a box, but was loathe to traipse down (and back up) three flights of stairs to turn off the breaker. As I punched the knockout on the side of the box, I hit the hot lead with the screwdriver.Sears graciously replaced the driver-now-turned-cocktail-stirrer with a new one.

As relayed by his buddy holding his beer….

Ooops!

this is the first thing I look for on the page every day. BUT please write darker so us older folks car read without eyestrain. Just use bolder type.

" I could of sworn that I ….."

My instructor in trade school taught us to “treat ALL wires like they are live, and you shall live.” And so I have, despite getting a few good shocks now and then. The only electric shock i get these days is the bill!

Pull Mine!

shocking conclusion….

The overwhelming preponderance of evidence would suggest estrogen

You were just waiting ‘til you could use that line, weren’t you?

-How many men with ‘ED’ does it take to chagne a light bulb?-Ten-Ten? Why ten?-It takes ten to make sure the ladder is erect…

“Look honey, take a picture of me by the bear!” Seen at Yellowstone National Park. Several waiting to take the same picture as the bear ate its berries. Just a big stuffed teddy bear….with 8 inch claws.

Meanwhile, we “civilized” humans circumvent common sense by drugging ourselves with over-the-counter symptom relievers that allow us to feel good as we go spreading our yearly plague; others have no outward clue that you are ill and to be avoided.Similarly, our sense of smell, which warns us of things to be avoided is by-passed by products such as “Frebreeze” that allow us to stick our noses in rotten garbage and not be offended.What a boon to hotel rooms you wouldn’t enter if you viewed them under blacklight.

Over in the corner.“Quit nagging I’ll fix the water heater, you got a match so I can see to light the pilot?”

If you drive long enough, eventually, you will get rear-ended. It has happened to me 4 times in the past 40 years. I guess it has something to do with my doing stupid things like stopping for red lights (each of the 4 times I was either stopping for or stopped at a red light).

Because of these accidents, I am paranoid and keep checking 6 o’clock, particularly when I apply the brakes. The last time I did a hard braking (I am also paranoid about cars trying to occupy the same lane as I’m in), I looked in the rear view mirror just in time to see the driver apply her mascara to her forehead.

Testosterone is the first leading cause of death among men. The second is wives.

“THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE US NAVY”

A Seaman saying, “I learned this in Boot Camp…”A Petty Officer saying, “Trust me, sir…”A Lieutenant JG saying, “Based on my experience…”A Lieutenant saying, “I was just thinking…”A Chief chuckling, “Watch this….”

-Ironically, the statement in this comic may be true for reasons other than those the cartoonist intended. The number one killer of men is still heart disease, often undetected. And recently, some reports have indicated that men who are receiving treatment for ‘low T’ have shown a 29 percent increase in heart attacks when they were otherwise not diagnosed with cardiovascular disease.-Not at all funny,and important to know. So, anyone thinking about testosterone replacement therapy should at least get a good check up for heart and artery issues first….

I have a glass doored cabinet that I picked up for free off of Craigslist in which exactly half of the door hanging and shelf setting is done correctly and the other half not so much.I’ve often wondered if this was due to some sort of competition between someone who used the manual and someone who “can do it without…” one.

It can’t do any harm, it’s only a small puddle of water. Hold my beer while I readjust my footing, now hand me the pliers,and I’ll tighten this loose wire. The flash was the last thing he saw.

from a friend: “Die? That’s the last thing I’ll ever do!”

Maybe Wiley should do some from the Darwin Award Cemetary….

Ah another joke about Men being stupid. Women make mistakes too.

Best last words spoken in response to, " Guess What Honey I’m Pregnant !! " OOHH XXXX!!Our 2 little codependents are really dumb proud SOB’s aren’t they!