Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 10, 2014

“Hey, isn’t that the rat who’s always coming in here and buying a single roll of toilet paper?” “Yea, that’s him. TP Rat, we call him. See, because now I’ve associated him in my mind forever with toilet paper.” “Ah yea, I should do that too.”

Hadn’t thought about it in years, but I actually had a roommate once who was embarrassed to be seen buying toilet paper. He couldn’t give a reason for it, he just was.

I’m guessing he doesn’t shop at warehouse stores.

Public association or is he stealing the rolls from Chevron?

We currently have about 60 triple rolls. That’s for two people.

I have a big unopened cardboard box of 40 rolls out in the utility/laundry room, much of the current boxes’ contents stuffed into the hall closet, with the remainder stashed under the two bathroom sinks. About the time I open the box outside, it will be time to start thinking about getting more.

Most of the TP sold by the single roll is the crappy no name brand stores and restaurants seem to love. Especially cause it’s CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. So buying just one roll, and most likely the no name brand makes Rat look like he’s a cheapskate. There are a lot of things I’ll buy the no name or store brand over the name brand. And most of it is food stuffs. But toilet paper isn’t one of them because I end up using far more of the no name or store brand than I do the name brand. And if I buy more than one roll I’m not in the store buying more nearly as often as Rat is.

When sales tax was much lower and toilet paper only cost a dime I would buy just one roll at a time to avoid paying salestax. Now I’m lucky to pay 50 cents a roll.

Office buildings have a rule for buying toilet paper – good enough to avoid complaints but not good enough to steal.

How charmin.

My grandparents must have been rich—they had TP rolls on hangers in the outhouse (also a two-seaters—neither side was rich enough for a community size.)

I do smile when I see someone buying 120 rolls at one time.

Who would’ve thought toilet paper would generate so many comments. Next week let’s do Feminine Personal Hygiene products.

I am almost too scared to ask this, but I am more curious: what do they do there to get themselves dry or clean?

I buy TP in 12 packs. And I don’t give a Rat’s arse what people think.

How much poop can a rat poop

What does Rat need toilet paper?

We pay $.79 on sale if we’re lucky. At the cheap place.

You had shiny sheets? When we were young we were lucky to have used corn cobs….

My husband told me of “toilets” like that in Korea. Even if he hadn’t been on an “all others” tour I wouldn’t have gone. He did 2 different tours. He said the air was so bad there that my asthma would have been bad.

When he was on one of his 4 tours in Afghanistan he mailed me a photo of the tubes the guys were using for a latrine. I could never be a man. I have to have the door shut & the water running when I am alone in the house! lol

But by frequency of purchase, your association will in fact imprint more greatly on every store-clerk’s memory! You’ve outsmarted yourself, Rat!

From reading the replies it sounds like most of us here buy in bulk. I buy TP by the case. The last time I bought TP was over a year ago. Still have about 6 months worth left.

I am always ridiculously shy in any store, especially bookstores.

I worked as a bag boy at Publix in the ‘70s, and once heard about a customer who got annoyed when a bag boy didn’t put her toilet paper low enough in the bag so that it wasn’t visible.

The tables have turned nowadays.

Just wait until the great TP shortage of 2020! Rat’ll wish he had hoarded it!