“There’s no need to insure the car is parked on a flat level surface.”
What’s freaky is just before I looked at today’s strip I had a fleeting image of fingers being smashed because a jack slipped that was holding a car up. I better not get a flat today.
Today’s strip is featured on The Family Plot Blog: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. I think this person was in that category. http://thefamilyplot.wordpress.com/
I believe this was the instruction sheet on the last Barbie House I put together at 3 AM Christmas morning. I think I started in 1989. Any Christmas now…
I never can figure out the manuals anyway. Have you seen how thick the ones are for just a lousy cell phone? That’s one reason why I don’t have one. I can’t even figure out how to make a call on my wife’s. I’m not a Luddite, but technology has caught up with me, passed in a blur, and vanished over the horizon.
“Hey y’all, Watch This!”
“Step on it, boy, we can beat that train.”
“Gimme a match so I can see. I think the gas tank’s empty.”
“It’s not the pants.”
“Four-eyes Horowitz? Your my neurosurgeon? No hard feelings after 8th grade, right?”
There’s this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then this bully steps up next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The bully says: “Oh, come on man! I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
The troubled fellow replies, “This day is the worst of my life. First I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then I’m leaving the building and find out my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
“No, I don’t need you to steady the ladder.”
“Yeah, the rope will hold my weight.”
“It’s as easy as falling off a log.”
“Honey, we don’t need to call a repairman. Just let me get my tools.”
“Yes, the truck is in neutral!”
wndrwrthg over 14 years ago
” You don’t need to turn the power off for this”.
LordDogmore over 14 years ago
“There’s no need to insure the car is parked on a flat level surface.”
black_knight15_au over 14 years ago
“It’s not a fast car” “I’m a good driver” Now they might believe I am sick”
Ooops! Premium Member over 14 years ago
HOME AT LAST
Mad-ge Dish Soap over 14 years ago
if he can just turn over.
RussellNash over 14 years ago
I know what I’m doing
cdward over 14 years ago
Hey, y’all, watch this!
grapfhics over 14 years ago
“do as I say, not as I do.”
zev.farkas over 14 years ago
your choice:
RTFM or RIP
vexatron1984 over 14 years ago
“Only girly-men use manuals.” Govinater style!
Gigantor over 14 years ago
“How hard can it be?”
pearlandpeach over 14 years ago
maybe instructions for the instructions…. “Tiger”
the person who will make $$$$ will be the one that invites both sexes to ACTUALLy Read, and make readable, directions.
jsprat over 14 years ago
Heeeey, that looks pretty easy, lemme try.
jsprat over 14 years ago
look honey, it says right on the package its a waterproof extension cord.
jsprat over 14 years ago
…of coarse I made sure the safety is on!
jsprat over 14 years ago
dude take a whiff of this…
jsprat over 14 years ago
just going for a quick ride so I don’t need a helmet.
jsprat over 14 years ago
gee, it doesn’t look sharp.
jsprat over 14 years ago
you worry too much, its perfectly safe!
jsprat over 14 years ago
well that’s the way they did it on tv, you never saw the coyote die did you.
thirdguy over 14 years ago
are you sure your husband is away?
3lizab3th over 14 years ago
stop worrying! what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!
vldazzle over 14 years ago
Great, Wiley! I’ve seen many other good ones in that place; now readers have provided some good ones for the future…
Potrzebie over 14 years ago
That’s why Ikea only uses pictures!
Ursula A Kehoe Premium Member over 14 years ago
What does this do?
cartwrights over 14 years ago
BlackKnight15: “Now they might believe I am sick””
Actual epitaph on a tomb in the main cemetery in Key West, FL.
FresnoDude over 14 years ago
I’ll take this screw out and I bet the whole gun will dissasemble
lobkiller over 14 years ago
I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
BloomCo over 14 years ago
LordDogmoreGenius_badge said, about 8 hours ago
“There’s no need to insure the car is parked on a flat level surface.”
What’s freaky is just before I looked at today’s strip I had a fleeting image of fingers being smashed because a jack slipped that was holding a car up. I better not get a flat today.
rayannina over 14 years ago
… So far, so good …
palos over 14 years ago
I told the doctors I was sick.
Digital Frog over 14 years ago
“Yes, i turned off the breaker first…”
lazygrazer over 14 years ago
What’s so difficult about an “ON” button—?
Varnes over 14 years ago
Manuel Smanual lives next door..
cleokaya over 14 years ago
Of course the gun isn’t loaded.
RoadTrip3500 over 14 years ago
“They were out of the brand-name stuff, so I bought the generic…”
tonytiger29 over 14 years ago
I don’t think they’re poisonous.
tonytiger29 over 14 years ago
Seriously, i didn’t know she was your wife…
blackman2732 over 14 years ago
“Only one way to find out.”
GailRubin over 14 years ago
Today’s strip is featured on The Family Plot Blog: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die. I think this person was in that category. http://thefamilyplot.wordpress.com/
ninmas over 14 years ago
“what’s this button do?”
Droptma Styx over 14 years ago
Don’t worry, I’ve done this a thousand times.
Justice22 over 14 years ago
What can it hurt to vote Republican?
ProfessorKid over 14 years ago
“Don’t nag, I know what I’m doing…”
HowieL over 14 years ago
If I’m lying, may I be struck by lightni
bmonk over 14 years ago
“Of course the gun is unloaded…see what happens when I pull…”
ronaldmundy over 14 years ago
not being the religious sort, but maybe the manual is the bible.
johnnydoc5 over 14 years ago
@Gigantor: Top Gear?
“Looks secure.”
Ooops! Premium Member over 14 years ago
“Death before dishonor ………….(shots firing)
bmonk over 14 years ago
“Death before defeat!” (Motto of a third-world Guard unit)
“Gee, they got the order wrong.” (observation of a Marine)
headshaker over 14 years ago
“Hold my beer and watch this”
freeholder1 over 14 years ago
I believe this was the instruction sheet on the last Barbie House I put together at 3 AM Christmas morning. I think I started in 1989. Any Christmas now…
runninanreadin over 14 years ago
I drank whAT?
(Last words of Socrates…)
Bany39 over 14 years ago
Concrete blocks will hold up anything
artybee over 14 years ago
I never can figure out the manuals anyway. Have you seen how thick the ones are for just a lousy cell phone? That’s one reason why I don’t have one. I can’t even figure out how to make a call on my wife’s. I’m not a Luddite, but technology has caught up with me, passed in a blur, and vanished over the horizon.
comYics over 14 years ago
Actual last words of
Claudel, Paul (1868-1955) “Doctor, do you think it could have been the sausage?”
POPPA1956 over 14 years ago
“Hey y’all, Watch This!” “Step on it, boy, we can beat that train.” “Gimme a match so I can see. I think the gas tank’s empty.” “It’s not the pants.” “Four-eyes Horowitz? Your my neurosurgeon? No hard feelings after 8th grade, right?”
wolfsong65 over 14 years ago
Hold on a sec while I unclog this snowblower…
Trebor39 over 14 years ago
I saw that other guy do it so I’m sure I can too!
Ooops! Premium Member over 14 years ago
Slight variation - Last words heard before dying:
There’s this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then this bully steps up next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The bully says: “Oh, come on man! I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”
The troubled fellow replies, “This day is the worst of my life. First I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then I’m leaving the building and find out my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then I find my wife in bed with the gardener. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
DarkSketch over 14 years ago
“There’s a really nice view if you just lean over this ledge–”
Airbard over 14 years ago
Said by a Union General to his men:
“They can’t hit an elephant from this dist-”
cutiepie29 over 14 years ago
“Yeah, Obama’s health-care reform is a good idea!”
ben_david over 14 years ago
“Do you hear a siren?”
du55 over 14 years ago
Lets hope for change
Yakety Sax over 14 years ago
“No, I don’t need you to steady the ladder.” “Yeah, the rope will hold my weight.” “It’s as easy as falling off a log.” “Honey, we don’t need to call a repairman. Just let me get my tools.” “Yes, the truck is in neutral!”