Shoe by Gary Brookins and Susie MacNelly for October 17, 2015

They sound good anyway…

When the bagpiper’s kilt is out of kilter.

THE HOST OF THE AIR

by: William Butler Yeats (1865-1939)

’DRISCOLL drove with a songThe wild duck and the drakeFrom the tall and the tufted reedsOf the drear Hart Lake.

And he saw how the reeds grew darkAt the coming of night-tide,And dreamed of the long dim hairOf Bridget his bride.

He heard while he sang and dreamedA piper piping away,And never was piping so sad,And never was piping so gay.

.…

I was stationed in Scotland and heard the pipes a lot. Originally they were for scaring the enemy in battle.

I’ve had trouble with that myself. Always work for the Wiz.

Simple answer: if you’re hearing the pipes in a parade, or in a bar on St. Paddy’s Day, or at a wedding or funeral, odds are they’re at least a little out of tune. “In tune” is an elusive and temporary state. Getting the four sets of reeds in tune with each other, and getting all nine notes of the chanter into pleasing harmonies with the steady “A” coming from the drones, is a lot of work… and since each set of reeds tends to drift in response to humidity, temperature, pressure, phase of the moon, Reuben Bolling’s chaos butterfly, and the player’s current karmic overload, perfect tuning never lasts. But when it’s achieved (especially for a large band), it is a beautiful thing to behold.

I remember a cartoon where a little girl was yelling at a piper the caption read: HEY MISTER IF YOU STOP SQUEEZING THAT CAT MAYBE IT I’LL STOP HOWLING!

“Perfect pitch” is defined as “Throwing an accordion into a dumpster and hitting bagpipes.”

I made it through both my dad’s and brother’s funerals without ‘losing it’, until, at the gravesites, I heard that lone bagpiper playing Amazing Grace.

A decade or two ago, there was a strip in which the Perfesser was carrying a live chicken home one night (apparently intending that it’d become supper). The chicken struggled and squawked loudly. A passing Scotsbird, so drunk that he couldn’t see straight, praised Cosmo’s fine playing of the pipes.

A British newspaper once published the definition that a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes — and doesn’t do so.

The Scots invented bagpipes and called it music.They invented Scotch and called it liquor.They invented golf and called it a sport.That’s zero for three in my opinion.

DHBirr – I guess that’s how the idea came about to use bagpipes as the Scottish breathalyzer: if you think they sound good, you’re drunk!

I played bagpipes, & knew the drones were out of tune when both dog howled, & the cat ran from the room.

This never occurred to me…

Until now!

Why do pipers march back and forth while they play?

It makes them a harder target.

i love the pipes started playing at 10 i have heard all the jokes

Also…..How can you tell if Haggis has gone bad?

You’ll know, Wiz, you’ll know…

A joke that should be attributed to Stephen Wright.