Frog Applause by Teresa Burritt for June 18, 2018

Theodore Roosevelt’s been resurrected?

Help! Kelp!

I’m most afraid of the lawn flamingo’s involvement in this love triangle.

It’s best to be comatose and wrapped like sushi when a bull moose is making love to you with a broken lawn ornament.

Ifa Bull Moose were on the loose,

And tripped on a flamingos lawn ornament,

Would fall from the kelp he is in,

On top of your body only to pin,

A 6 point score from leaving you in a coma,

And the love triangle moose is called the winno.

Some fortune teller you are. That happened yesterday!

Bladderwrack Noodle Attack

I think maybe I see some rehab in yours.

Bingo!

Kelp! I need somebody. Kelp! Mot just any body.

It’s always those damn pink flamingos !

What’s the safe word, please?

Wasn’t this an episode of Northern Exposure ?

I dated her for a while. Fortunately I recovered.

This is actually a fairly common occurrence and nothing to be a feared of. Your typical Yukon Day Spa will employ a number of rutting bull moose. You really have never had a massage until you have known the magic of an experienced moose knuckle. What appears to be a comatose state is actually one of deep relaxation, and some are even transported so fully that they can vividly taste the sweet nectar of the Outer Realms of Lame. One emerges from the Kelp Coccoon refreshed and relaxed, and yet invigorated with a supple and bouncy skin tone not unlike that of a young Grace the Face. You are then gently ushered down a long hallway where you are caressed with a plethora of whiffling flamingo feathers and a light misting of frog dew. There now, doesn’t that feel nice? You are ready to go forth and spread the Lame!

MMMMMMMM! Kelp!

Its not just for breakfast anymore.

Anything goes in.

Anything goes out!

Fish, bananas, old pyjamas,

Mutton! Beef! and Trout!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4vn-XLr6ic

If that’s what you see, kiddo, I think you’ve tuned in to the wrong frequency (“What’s the frequency, Kenneth?”). These days, I’m too old and lame for Love Triangles (though I might still try some Concentric Circles), especially those involving a large bull moose. I don’t have any Lawn Flamingoes (pink or otherwise), nor even any Lawn. And if comatose and kelp-wrapped, on the whole I’d rather be on the secret volcanic island of the next Ruthless Ruler of the World (bwahahahahah) rather than with a moose and a flamingo.

Didja hear the one about about the Moose and the Flamingo who walked into a bar? The bartender was offended and threw them out, saying “this is no zoo!”

Lame, but what did you expect?…

Kelp, it’s what’s for (breakfast, lunch and) dinner in the higher seas world!