Doonesbury by Garry Trudeau for October 23, 2018

That’s Muzak for you.

“Candy Man” would drive ME away.

Don’t forget “Girl from Ipanema.”

Just roaming around JFK with a tape recorder — not at all suspicious behavior.

Resourceful

Muzak™ is really death by innocuousness. It’s eephus music, just like the eephus pitch. Quoth Rip Sewell, thrower of the eephus, “Eephus ain’t nothin’.”

Those songs can’t be muzak. I was almost 30 when those came out. Hey, you calling me a geezer? I’m incensed! Has anybody seen my picket sign?

“See the tree, how big it’s grown….”

“There’s a port on a western bay….”

and if that doesn’t do the trick:

“It’s a world of laughter, a world of tears….”

I read of some store playing opera to keep the kids out.

I hated them back then.

“We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun….”

I suggest recording the music that’s played when you’re on hold.

now I have (*^)#%^@ Candy Man stuck in my head!

WMDs: Weapons of Manilow Destruction

Oh God but I’m old. I LOVE all those songs and can’t stand present day ones.

“I got an brand new pair of rollerskates, you got a brand new key…”

A restaurant here in my town plays incessant contemporary country music, fortunately on a low volume. Always the same slow beat and nasal twang. It’s a depressing and mournful sound, actually a form of kitsch.

Those were all in the Dave Barry survey of the worst songs in the world. The winner of that survey was “MacArthur Park”, followed by "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I got love in my tummy) and “Having my Baby”

“It’s a small world after all…”

Candy Man was about drug dealers (very thinly disguised).

Great caution must be used when applying Barbra Streisand’s “People” because it could easily cause people to buy drugs so that they can OD.

I’ve never heard Muzak in an airport, just the occasional TV news station in the waiting areas.

I had a dentist who used to play smooth jazz, which I also like. He was pretty cool. Another time he put on an Orioles-Red Sox game on TV so I could watch while he was reconstructing my chip.

Mike, don’t forget Chicago’s greatest hits. The side with the mellow ones.

He’s the poetry mannn…

I do have to confess a perverse affection for “MacArthur Park.” I once got the meet the writer, Jim Webb. It is a weird song, though.

Guffawed out loud!!

Noooooooooo not Silly Love Songs, oh please dear god make it stop!

I don’t like Muzak, but I prefer even the worst songs to when companies put their sales propaganda in my ears when I’m on hold. By the time they quit jabbering when somebody answers the call, I’ve practically forgotten what I’m calling about!

By the way, GREAT comments, everybody! I have been laughing my head off!

And, of course:

“Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love ya, tomorrow! — "

“Someone left my cake out in the rain”