Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 29, 2019

Pull the plug out; plug it back in.

Gun control means hitting your target!

Step 1: Read and follow the instructions; Step 2: install the plugs into the correct receptacles; Step 3: press the On button to the devices; Step 4: do not Skip Step 1, 2, and/or Step 3; Step 5: if you have reached this Step, you have experienced a Fatal User Error. Revert to pencil and paper.

Rat, go threaten the technical support in person with a baseball bat.

At least Rat RTFM.

Part 2:

“If you still can’t shoot well by now, you should shoot yourself. Then again, you’d probably miss.”

“The Self Troubleshooting Guide”

I’d say give it the boots.

Reminds me of an old poster: To err is human, but to really F*** things up, it takes a computer!

Did he run into the same problem at the shooting range? Maybe his mouse is jammed.

Who says being a technical writer can be such a useless profession?

And the voice said “Sorry Technical Support is Out To Lunch”

The most cynical dialog boxes ever written contain the phrase “check Windows help”. I think if Douglas Adams had lived long enough, he would have put Microsoft programmers against the wall first.

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

That’s the wrong manual. It didn’t have any grammatical errors.

Remember: “The Manufacturer’s Directions are merely someone else’s Opinion!”

Telling us to check a website when our internet is down is the successor to telling us to phone customer service at Ma Bell when our phone isn’t working

My computer failed to connect to the internet. The onboard “Help” told me to go to Microsoft’s “online Help” for assistance.

But that’s just a descendant of the old DOS message: “Cannot detect keyboard. Press any key to continue.”

Shooting and missing your computer yields minimal results.

Ah, Apple help!

Figures…

That advice is actually more helpful than it would seem.

Gun control means using both hands.

I can’t help but remembering the warning tags on the trigger guards all firearms displayed in a local sporting goods store. In large, red letters was the admonition “WARNING! MAY CAUSE SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH!” They were guns. What other purpose is there for a gun? (Please don’t tell me about target shooting – that’s only to improve the “SERIOUS INJURY OR DEATH” ratio of the shooter.)

“Ready, fire, aim!!

Rat could just use those gun instructions to end his life

We love our technology until it turns on us.

I troubleshot my computer, with a .357

that’s shooting low

I would have no trouble shooting the guide; particularly the ones that tell you to look something up or perform some function on your computer when the problem is that the computer isn’t working!

This guy wrote Timmy Faliure too

Thanks, Rat, for the suggestion. Next time I have trouble with my computer, I will shoot it.

Next time I have trouble shooting with my camera, I will have no trouble shooting AT my camera.

I would shoot the author

That sounds like something Rat would write.