Close to Home by John McPherson for May 10, 2019

Just so the hold music isn’t Also sprach Zarathustra. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfe8tCcHnKY

…Maj. Tom to ground control…

Your call is very important to us; your wait time is approximately 30 minutes.

The spaceship must have been built by Boeing and by the same team that built the 737 Max planes;-D

You know what NASA stands for? Never A Straight Answer.

Mean while the flight attendant is instructing the rest of the passengers “Please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are put back in their fully upright and locked positions, in the event of a water landing your seat cushions also serve as flotation devices….”

I am thinking tech support is out at a going away party for the last astro-biologist they just let go.

“Did you try restarting it?”

Look out, Bleeb! They’re after you!

Most problems can be solved using a few simple steps. You may also wish to visit our web site for more information.

The tech guy’s accent will be so thick that you won’t understand him anyway. Do what Spaceman Spiff would do: crash on the planet.

This is what the pilot of your passenger jet sees after taking off from ’shroom-friendly Denver.

Houston… WTF!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

“Welcome to the NASA tentacle support hot line.”

Or another government shutdown of non-essential services.

Houston, we have a problem.

Don’t we now have a “Space Command” for this sort thing?

You’re doom!

Try the Russian Space Station hotline.

Call Brewster Rocket!