FoxTrot Classics by Bill Amend for May 19, 2020

forget knife or saw, Peter, and go with a guillotine

Just swallow it whole and chew it later on its way out.

…whaddaya mean, you don’t have teeth there?

That ham has a large bone through it. Definitely a saw, then a visit to the dentist for the broken teeth.

Chainsaw?

Saw of course! And the table only tips whenever Peter makes a sandwich.

Upon graduation Peter will enroll in the Bumstead School of Sandwichology.

When my son was a teenager, he played football. We could not put enough food in him to maintain his weight.

I can also vaguely remember having that same problem. Not so much now. I eat about 1/6th of what I did in my late teen years and still fight to keep the weight down.

Maybe he could take it to shop class …

We once tried to cut a large slab of frozen meat with a saw (we only wanted 1/4 of it that night, and it didn’t have bones). I can’t recommend it. The blade jammed in the frozen block of meat and came off the bandsaw. Quite alarming, but we were fortunate in a way. I can’t imagine what cleaning meat off all the bandsaw parts would have been like.

Li’l Abner and Dagwood Bumstead are going to sue for copyright infringement

I’ll bet Dagwood would know…

Jason is need for math skills, nah just slice off what you need.

You blockhead.

Never eat anything bigger than your head.

Lightsaber.

Dagwood would be proud!

Peter needs a combination electric turkey knife / sawzall.