Herman by Jim Unger for June 05, 2020

“It’s a fair cop.”

“Or do you prefer that I give you some blows and you take them?”

I don’t think she’s into role playing

You can’t have a reasonable discussion with someone who uses THAT kind of logic. She’s actually being abusive, positing that an utterly self-serving policy is somehow give-and-take.

My wife and I have a clear division of labor: she likes to cook; I like to eat. Works out great.

No matter how I do it, it’s always wrong, so I am prohibited from operating the following appliances in our house: washing machine, dryer, freezer and dishwasher. I have special dispensation to use the refrigerator but only the shelf that contains the beer.

On the other hand, I’m the only one who gets to play with the gasoline-powered toys such as the weed whacker, lawn mower and chain saw. I am also the only person in the house who knows where the trash and recycling bins are.

I do the cleanup after dinner, rinse off those things that do go into the dishwasher (lest they set like concrete) and wash those items that do not go in the dishwasher. This is also the time I don my tutu and gossomer wings and play coffee fairy to set it up for the following morning. We have an industrial-sized Bunn machine that could keep a small diner in operation. I buy filters by the 1,000 count case.

In our house “drying” as in drying dishes is an adjective, not a verb. Leave them in the rack long enough and they dry themselves.

I also “pump iron”: I became proficient at it when I was in the military: nobody could iron my uniform shirts to my high standards. And I suck: I am not a stranger to the vacuum cleaner. Both ironing and vacuuming take a “heavy hand.” Also I’m not beyond lifting the end of the couch to vacuum under it.

However, now that summer is here, both my wife and I are slacking off on our household duties. The pool is cleaner than the living room.

…..and like it! See? ;o[

Mom taught us right – you don’t have to wash the dishes until the counter has no more room for dirty ones, or until there are no more clean dishes. If worse comes to worse, there are paper plates in the closet.

you give, I’ll take

I tried to give up cooking for New Years but pandemic came and ruined it but I still need a dishwasher, besides me I mean.

So to sum it up, she doesn’t do anything…..he cooks and does the dishes….and who knows what else he does….Boo Hiss

How funny would this be if the genders were reversed?

She’s too good to him.

I’m only allowed in the kitchen to do the dishes.

She’s a firm believer in the “Heads I Win, Tails You Lose” philosophy of marriage. Between her and Gladys (see today’s Born Loser), the men are not faring well.