Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 31, 2020

Rat, you’ll be shot dead before you can get close enough to use that.

I use that weapon all the time. I once defeated 999,999,999,999,999,999,999 tigers with one.

Rat, you’ll get maced and spayed before you leave your house with your mace.

Ever see the 1980s TV show The Charmings? Snow carried that kind of “mace” too.

If you’ve never used one before, there is a risk of hitting yourself.

Rat should be avoided on all days of the week.

Rat days and Mondays always get me down.

https://youtu.be/6-jQjtXscf4

Yes. Some still use those to beat infesting rats.

So he’s the one hoarding all the toilet paper, paper towels, etc.

Rat did you have your coffee yet ? Might take the edge off :-) … Croc Power !

Are we on team Goat or team Rat?

Deaths in Rat’s neighbourhood will soon “spike”, and Covid-19 will have nothing to do with it!

It sounds good in theory, Goat. The problem is pulling it execution!

Like the Mammas and Pappas said Monday, Monday can’t trust that day!

I’m sure Hawkman does, but then, I was always impressed by an alien, resurrected hero who can fly and uses medieval weapons.

I’m already upbeat, and I want to make sure everyone else is to, so I plan on beating everyone up.

You should avoid people like Rat. That’s for sure.

“Do people still use these?”

No, people don’t, but cops use them all the time.

So that’s what the plague was all about, huh.

That’s a weapon that takes too much practice. Most beginners begin twirling it about and then end by smacking the back of their own head. Being a knight was a full time job.

Rat’s attitude about Mondays makes Garfield look cheerful.

I’m beginning to believe there are times when it would be very useful to have Rat beside you — not behind but beside you.

As far as I’m concerned, Rat is a pessimist, Pig is an optimist and Goat is a realist. I am choosing to have Goat’s viewpoint that this will ultimately end and we will move on. And we should concentrate on what we can do in the meantime (i.e. wearing masks, social distancing, voting, etc.) and realizing we have no control over what others do. The pessimist says, “We’re in a long, dark, tunnel!” The optimist says, “Hey, I see light at the end of the tunnel!” The realist says, “If you’re seeing light at the end, that’s great. But right now we’re still in the tunnel!”

Antifa uses similar weapons. Carrying one might not be worth it.

When I took long weekends off, it always included Monday. Friday’s are the best.

RATS lost it….

Technically, it’s a flail, not a mace, because of the chain. But, no, I wouldn’t recommend it because you’re more likely to hurt yourself than someone else. As a short being, Rat is also at a disadvantage because his reach is far less than most of the other characters in the neighborhood unless he uses a sneak attack. Projectile weapons are his best attack. Just ask Guard Duck.

Yo, Rat, my man! If the mace works for you, by all means use it!

Reminds me of a great gory tale in pre-code (early 1950s) Weird Comics (I think it was), about the Black Knight and how he got his title….

On Mondays, I stockpile ammunition and toilet paper.

I’m with rat. All your base are belong to us.

I need one of those for my skittle bowl.

Yes you can still use it. They are handy for walking home from the grocery store.

Some guys you should avoid on mondays… including Garfield

I heard Rat’s toy is called a Surprise. It certainly isn’t a pleasant one.

Taking a Mace/ flail to a gunfight