Joe Heller for September 30, 2020

After last night’s sh**show — these are definitely supplies needed for the next debate.

Chris Wallace should’ve access to these in the first place if he knew what’s coming to him in the first debate!

The final count according to a CNN fact checker was he interrupted Joe or Chris 128 times.

Where is the taser? Maybe the smell of burned fat would make people sick….

Just wondering… where were the Secret Service during the debate? It’s their job to protect both candidates, not just the sitting President.

Some good old reliable truth serum would keep Trump’s word count to a minimum.

Can we borrow the Anthony Hopkins “Mask,” from “Silence of the Lambs?”

Perfect! I’m remembering the scene from 9 to 5, where Lily Tomlin’s, Jane Fonda’s and Dolly Parton’s characters had Dabney Coleman’s character tethered so he couldn’t escape. You might want to add one of those so he can’t roam around the stage like he did four years ago. Also, can you tie the shock collar into a lie detector so he gets shocked everytime he lies?

Should have drug tested Trump, he was like a crap throwing chimpanzee on speed.

But on the up side, no one really needs to watch any debates between these two candidates. You either live in reality, or you subscribe to the Orange Death Cult.

Just vote Blue.

That might actually work. Or I’ve got an idea: Skip the “debates” and just give each of them 5 minutes with the same 10 questions. In different rooms, at different times. And run a chyron under the video just displaying “truthfulness” on a scale of 1 to 5.

And they’ll need none of it if Donnie refuses to show up, as his campaign is already hinting at.

If he runs scared, I hope they still hold the town hall, and let Biden speak directly to voters for 1 1/2 hours.

But I’m sure Q-Anon will have a field day with last night’s mess.

What a sad commentary on America. WE CAN DO BETTER!

Spot on!

Where is the lever for the trap door at tRump’s podium? Perhaps with some alligators from the swamp awaiting below.

Or as I suggested to my brother – place the candidates in sound-proof boxes. (Oh dear! The stage crew forgot to turn open the air vents to tRump’s.)

Aw, c’mon, Joe. “Duct tape” is the generic term. “Duck Tape” is a brand name.

Love the spray bottle.

Expecting ducks?