That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for July 27, 2021

You all got the yellow uniforms you paid for, didn’t you? So, believe me, the band instruments are coming right now on the Wells Fargo Wagon.

“If we head south, the days will get longer and warmer. Who’s with me?”

What is this? The convention of the Tall Pilgrims meeting the Munchkin convention?

“Welcome to the first annual ‘Zippy The Pinhead’ convention – and here comes our star now!”

“So you’re sure Stockholm is that way? I ended up in Oslo from the last directions I was given.”

Sweden’s King, noble Gustav, the First, / with his subjects in Mora conversed. / He had wealth and renown, / yet no mantle or crown, / for at fashion his sense was the worst. /// Gustav dressed just like those all around, / with no Royalty bling to be found. / And so how was it known / that he sat on the throne? / To be tallest he stood on a mound.

If you’ve never been swayed by a Swede/ you’ve an unfulfilled spiritual need/ and if you’ve never prayed/ in a sweatsuit of suede/ then your life has been barren indeed !

“How Swede it is !”- Jackie Gleason

Ya. Zis is beginning position for zee bicep curl. Vee do ten repetitions und zen vee do the udder arm. Soon ve’ll be manley men and get rid of zeeze girlie hats.

The new minister’s left in the lurch. / Heavy snowfall had weakened his church. / From the roof to the apse / it was close to collapse, / Now he preaches outside from a perch. /// Pastor’s sermon discusses their loss, / and describes most possessions as dross. / “Yet one item matters, / so climb up those ladders / and bring back here our most holy cross.”

“I’m telling you the truth! She lifted her arm and with a gesture a huge castle of ice appeared. And then she brought a snowman to life!”

He had come to the land of the Swedes, / but it now disappoints, he concedes. / No blondes in bikinis / pose in Lamborghinis. / He no longer believes all he reads.

A little dab will do ya.

“…When I say “go” point to your right. “Go”.

“I didn’t say ‘Simon Says.’ Guy in the red hat, you’re out.”

gustav explaining where to line up for the free vasectomy…

“I tell ya lads, the Land of Milk and Honey is thataway!”

And the strip mall with the Target will go over there….

The Swedish Inquisition was a far more orderly and civilized affair than its Spanish counterpart.

”I didn’t want to get inVolvo’d !”, he Saabed….”but Ikea’d too much not to..”

I just had a great idea! I vill call my bizness IKEA ! Da vorld vill tremble/ as dey try to assemble/ vot I buy cheap from North Korea…

If he’s teaching them how to dab, where’s the rig?

Spontaneous yodeling duels were the most exciting things the village got.

It is not fine art if there are no naked ladies.

She had a dream about the king of Sweden

He gave her things that she was needin’

She got a million dollars worth of nickels and dimes

And she sat around and counted them a million times

Hidee-hidee-hi, Hodee-hodee-ho

.

With apologies to Cab Calloway

The rehearsal of the Swedish Tabernacle Choir & Juldrinkande Samhälle Christmas extravaganza was stopped until the wagons with the glögg and småkakors showed up.

“We’ll hide over there, men – in the yellow snow where the huskies go. The enemy won’t see us until it’s too late!”

In this land of the ice and the snow, / where the frigid and fierce North Winds blow, / they petitioned the King / to locate a hot spring / and he pointed out which way to go.

“And then you put your finger in the dike, using this motion. Do not remove it under any circumstances.”

King Gustav Vasa of Sweden Addressing Men from Dalarna in Mora: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Gustav_Vasa_i_Mora.jpeg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting. File history has strip coloration image.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

https://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/07/masterpiece-2757.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

He was teaching them how to cook pork / that’s so tender it falls off the fork, / but some thought they’d gone deaf; / the esteemed Swedish Chef / only uttered the words: “Bork, Bork, Bork!”

“Here comes the new sheriff! Why, he’s a ni[CLANG]!”

“To go on the sleigh ride through the woods, you must be at least this tall.”

Come on everyone,’ Andante Andante’!

Everyone who insists on wearing your hats, please move to the back.

Swedes would gather on dark winter nights, / best for viewing the green Northern Lights. / They’d never ignore a / compelling Aurora, / which were caused, some believed, by Fae sprites.

No one can ignore a man from Dalarna in Mora in the mor-or-ornin…

Nobody’s talking about dabbing yet.

MEN the war is off my left hand, lets go to my right.

…

You put your right hand in

You put your right hand out

… what? only one of you can keep up with me?

No! My wife wanted the building over there! Now move it!

A few Swedes kidnapped twenty-five Finns. / After ransom, the odd part begins. / The Finns went, chagrined, home, / but with Stockholm Syndrome. / and stayed dressed like their ex-captors’ twins.

I’m as big a fan of ABBA as the rest of you, but if we are to perform Mama Mia we will need at least four women… or men, like me, willing to shave their beards.