That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for October 07, 2021

“Step aside, I’m working on my tan here.”

“Come on guy, ya got to admit this pink brings out my skin tone.”

A man of remarkable candor,/ Diogenes meets Alexander. “Get out of my light !”/ says the old anchorite./ He was never the type to pander.

Alexander’s men pointed their staffs / at Diogenes, (sunning his calves). / “I’m great!” Al said with pride. / “I’m a dog; move aside,” / the sage answered, no barrel of laughs.

Help, I’ve fallen and can’t get up!

Believe me. In the future, a lot of rich people will be putting themself in little containers like this. They may even have it sent where nobody else is and it’s nice and dark.

Alexander, taking a moment to speak to the last homeless person left in the city, before his urban beautification project is completed (by shoving the hobo into the barrel and dumping him outside the city limits, with the other undesirables)

Rent control? Don’t be silly. How will my friends in real estate make a profit if I do that.

[classical reference]

“Well, you found me. I knew you’d track us.

And as sure as I’m Elder Gracchus,

that spear your guy’s holdin’,

will pierce by arse golden.

Just say I got stabbed in the fracas."

Help me up so I can rip out your spleen.

“May I have this dance?”

“If I put my legs apart a bit more…..”

after meeting diogenes alexander was heard to say, were i not alexander i wish i were kim kardashian…

See? The homeless problem ain’t nothing new.

nudge, nudge, Wink, Wink

If you don’t move, I WILL start throwing chickens at you.

“Buddy, can you spare a dime?”

“Look at it this way – history will credit you with starting the tiny home trend.”

“Look at this. You think you’re getting a tip after spilling my bowl of old man stew?”

“We’re from out of town. Is Plato’s Retreat anywhere near here?”

“Go back the the agora, and turn right at the third herm. And tell Plato that Diogenes says he should go &%$# himself.”

Sheila really enjoyed putting on her pink robe and strolling through the downtown market, but she dreamed of a day when someone would create comfortable, practical underwear. The leather chafed.

“Come on, Dad! Get up out of that wine barrel. You’re embarrassing me in front of all the guys.”

“Nice costume, dude. Gimme five.”

That is the worst Halloween costume I’ve seen….no candy for you!

And then the nearly blind man who couldn’t tell he was wearing a woman’s cape, thought he saw an alien, reached out his hand and said, “ET phone home”

This painting commemorates the first time the joke “GIVE ME A HAND, WOULD YA?” followed by the punchline of clapping, was told.

Alexander the Great and Diogenes: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Thomas_Christian_Wink_-_Diogenes_and_Alexander.jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size, oil on copper painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2021/10/masterpiece-2804.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

Mork from Ork arrives on Earth in an egg-shaped spacecraft. He has been assigned to observe human behavior by Orson, his mostly unseen and long-suffering superior.

“C’mon, dude, just one selfie with me; you don’t have to be a dick about it. You’ve changed, Diogenes. You used to be cool.”

Solstice & Ishmael: A catchy phraseA well-wrought clauseSuch limericks do make me pauseAnd while I do admire the craftI sense the authors slightly daft

And when this merriment is doneWe realize ’tis all in funProviding us with endless mirthWordcraft from they, there is no dearthWe thank their mother for their birth

“If you can’t show proof of vaccination, I’m not letting you in my barrel.”

Alexander couldn’t handle all the philosophical stuff he learned from Aristotle, and the frustration sent him off to conquer the known world, and putting his name on no fewer than 50 new cities he founded on his conquering campaigns.

That barrel of wine was for tonight’s Bacchanal.

There’s nothing remotely heroic/ in proclaiming philosophy stoic/ for pain ( as you know)/ has been bringing us low/ at least since the Paleozoic…

“There was me, that is Alexander, and my three droogs, that is Petros, Georgios, and Dim, and we strolled along the crowded ploschad trying to make up our rassoodocks what to do with the afternoon, when we came across this old drunky. One thing I could never stand was to see a filthy dirty old drunky howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was.”

“Dude, that keg was for our toga party tonight!”

“Well, you took that risk when you asked me to buy it for you. You want wisdom from Diogenes? Here it is: Invest in some fake ID.”

Once again I cannot decide between the two, so I have to declare the Dragoncat Award for Best LMAO: Poetry another tie.

Here’s to … Call me Ishmael and Solstice*1947.

old man, “I’m sorry I didn’t know it was pastel day” officer

No, no, no! The hand jive starts like this …

I was framed! I was tending my farm, and had lunch. Somebody told the landowner I was drinking on the job; and he fired me! I’m innocent I tell you!

You … um … wouldn’t have any spare ale … would you?