Longtime friends of The O.F.W.T.J. Society know that I tend to intersperse jokes with true stories, with the occasional “could-be” anecdote thrown in here and there for good measure. I thus present the following probably-true story about an old hoofer/movie star/curmudgeon:Julius Marx, known to most of us as Groucho, loved his cigars, whether on stage, a movie set, or just out-and-about. One day, as he boarded an airplane, he asked the stewardess – this was decades before the term “flight attendant” was introduced, as well as a long time before smoking was banned on all flights – if he could smoke a cigar on the plane.“I suppose so, Sir, if you don’t annoy the ladies,” she replied.Groucho’s eyes lit up and his brows raised. “You mean I have my choice?”
With Christmas months away and the specter of a stress-filled shopping season ahead, I offer this old joke for you RBIONuts to choke on.
So, a fine and proper saleswoman for Avon or Amway or whatnot gets on an elevator in a posh Manhattan apartment building. Without any warning, a horrendous SBD gets past her “defenses” and fills the cabin. Mortified, she quickly retrieves a spray bottle of holiday scent from her sales kit and douses the elevator with it. On the next floor, the doors open and a hard-nosed businessman steps on. Ohmigod! He roars, What the hell’s that stench?” The sales lady blurts out, “It’s Balsam Fir from our Christmas collection! Do you like it?” “No I do not!” He replies, “It smells like somebody s#!t a Christmas tree!”
I have another Groucho story (sorry Eromlig) and it goes like this. he was interviewing a female contestant on his game show “You Bet Your Life” and he asked her how many years she had been married. She said “Nine wonderful years!” He then ask her if they had children and, if so, how many? She responded with “Nine. Five girls and four boys!” Groucho said “Wow!” “Why so many in such a short time!” She answered “Because I love my husband!” Groucho said “I love my cigar too but, I take it out of my mouth every now and then!” Jofers out! seeya next week on a brand new show or tomorrow whichever comes first! ;o)
613 times? Is that ALL? What a disappointment. I figured the number would be at least twice that. The song “All You Need Is Love” uses the word ‘love’ 500 times by itself, doesn’t it?!?
I don’t think bananas grow on trees, I’ve been told they’re actually a kind of herb. Then again to the layman any plant with a woody stem that can pass for a trunk is functionally a tree I suppose.
eromlig about 3 years ago
Longtime friends of The O.F.W.T.J. Society know that I tend to intersperse jokes with true stories, with the occasional “could-be” anecdote thrown in here and there for good measure. I thus present the following probably-true story about an old hoofer/movie star/curmudgeon:Julius Marx, known to most of us as Groucho, loved his cigars, whether on stage, a movie set, or just out-and-about. One day, as he boarded an airplane, he asked the stewardess – this was decades before the term “flight attendant” was introduced, as well as a long time before smoking was banned on all flights – if he could smoke a cigar on the plane.“I suppose so, Sir, if you don’t annoy the ladies,” she replied.Groucho’s eyes lit up and his brows raised. “You mean I have my choice?”
Cool Hand Luke Premium Member about 3 years ago
And 97 times in All You Need Is Love alone!
Caldonia about 3 years ago
Honda Drive is particularly bad for Hondas.
Templo S.U.D. about 3 years ago
So when was the spatial Cola war? In 1985 or something?
pearlsbs about 3 years ago
I think the Beatles used the word “love” about 75 times in “All You Need Is Love”.
therese_callahan2002 about 3 years ago
And right after Pepsi came RC Cola, Diet Rite, C & C Cola, and Dr. Pepper.
bullpunky about 3 years ago
New Coke over Classic Coke? That’s unfortunate.
James Wolfenstein about 3 years ago
I knew that food in space is awful. But Pepsi… yuck! That’s just cruelty! :D
John Wiley Premium Member about 3 years ago
I was disappointed to find that none of the “satellite view” or “street view” map services show the banana tree.
FrankErnesto about 3 years ago
Change the name to ‘Caddy Drive’.
Huckleberry Hiroshima about 3 years ago
Nee-Nee Naa-Naa Noo-Noo Nanner. ~ Eddie & Al
Take care, may Gerber taste tester Poopsie Woopsie Widdle Sweetiekinsord be with you, and gesundheit.
davidob about 3 years ago
Of lice and men.
The Pro from Dover about 3 years ago
No Coke. Pepsi!
Teto85 Premium Member about 3 years ago
The Beatles were all about love. Except that part when Yoko broke them up.
arrseetee about 3 years ago
Good story and funny. Groucho was a witty person.
FassEddie about 3 years ago
With Christmas months away and the specter of a stress-filled shopping season ahead, I offer this old joke for you RBIONuts to choke on.
So, a fine and proper saleswoman for Avon or Amway or whatnot gets on an elevator in a posh Manhattan apartment building. Without any warning, a horrendous SBD gets past her “defenses” and fills the cabin. Mortified, she quickly retrieves a spray bottle of holiday scent from her sales kit and douses the elevator with it. On the next floor, the doors open and a hard-nosed businessman steps on. Ohmigod! He roars, What the hell’s that stench?” The sales lady blurts out, “It’s Balsam Fir from our Christmas collection! Do you like it?” “No I do not!” He replies, “It smells like somebody s#!t a Christmas tree!”
dv1093 about 3 years ago
If that was “New Coke”, than it wasn’t Coke at all. Pepsi wins.
comixbomix about 3 years ago
Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…Oneisallyouneed…
JoshHere about 3 years ago
Poor Pepsi, bested by Coca-Cola again!
joefearsnothing about 3 years ago
I have another Groucho story (sorry Eromlig) and it goes like this. he was interviewing a female contestant on his game show “You Bet Your Life” and he asked her how many years she had been married. She said “Nine wonderful years!” He then ask her if they had children and, if so, how many? She responded with “Nine. Five girls and four boys!” Groucho said “Wow!” “Why so many in such a short time!” She answered “Because I love my husband!” Groucho said “I love my cigar too but, I take it out of my mouth every now and then!” Jofers out! seeya next week on a brand new show or tomorrow whichever comes first! ;o)
tremaine53 about 3 years ago
Because what says ‘pioneer spirit’ more than ‘product placement’?
tremaine53 about 3 years ago
613 times? Is that ALL? What a disappointment. I figured the number would be at least twice that. The song “All You Need Is Love” uses the word ‘love’ 500 times by itself, doesn’t it?!?
WCraft Premium Member about 3 years ago
I hope they left the “New Coke” up there…
yangeldf about 3 years ago
I don’t think bananas grow on trees, I’ve been told they’re actually a kind of herb. Then again to the layman any plant with a woody stem that can pass for a trunk is functionally a tree I suppose.
globalenterprize1990 about 3 years ago
How delicious were the bananas? Are there banana orchards in Florida?
mindjob about 3 years ago
I once planted an asphalt tree in the middle of a banana field, now it repairs it’s own potholes