Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 21, 2021

The days are getting shorter in my hemisphere, anyway) and so are my jokes – although I can’t predict the future. My jokes have minds of their own. This one is a good example:

Back in the early early days of The Garden – REALLY early; back when Eve was around but before the serpent showed up, Adam was trying his best to learn how to cope with a woman. It wasn’t easy; Adam had never had a woman in his life – not even a mother. He found himself on his knees, praying fervently about his plight:“Oh, Lord,” he moaned, “Why did you make her so beautiful?”

“So you would be attracted to her, My Son,” came the sonorous tones of The Almighty from above.

“OK, God,” Adam went on. “But why did you have to make her so DUMB?”

“So she would be attracted to YOU, My Son.”

Hitler was dependent on a pretty wide range of powerful drugs by the time he died, many of which are known to directly or indirectly contribute to tooth decay. Not only that, but his dentist said that he would skip appointments and only come in for emergency procedures.

Apparently his dental situation was so bad that there were concerns about his prosthetics affecting his speech, and he had to have his personal chef specially prepare food so that he could chew it with his false teeth.

Maybe most significantly, the discovery of the teeth (still attached to a bit of his jaw) and confirmation of his dental records helped to discredit anyone who claimed to be or know him following the war.

How lucky of that South Carolina man.

So, we can use solar panels during the day and Jovian panels at night?

How come I can’t even win $5 in a friggin lottery?

There’s nothing funny about Hitler, so I’m returning to last night’s topic, flying and pilots.

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby related items.

When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, “Gosh, that’s a good looking baby..and he sure was hungry!”.

Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said that the time spent on the breast would help alleviate the pressure in the baby’s ears and keep him from crying.

The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed, “And all these years, I’ve been chewing gum.”

Way too much info on Hitlers doppelganger being who they found in the bunker he more then likely he escaped with other high ranking SS officers on a sub to Argentina.

3) I don’t know why I should not believe that. Doesn’t that happen sometimes? I dunno.

The nazi’s regularly did meth . “The use of methamphetamine, better known as crystal meth, was particularly prevalent.” (History Channel, https://www.history.com/news/inside-the-drug-use-that-fueled-nazi-germany.) Hitler didn’t want them to take time to sleep. Hitler himself used cocaine to “treat” his sinus problems.

Ah for some of that great Jovian invisible light.

Take care, may famed Hitlerian expert and proud imitator Donald “I Have Never Left The Throne For Very Long” Trumpord be with you, and gesundheit.

Today’s Shoe comic reminded me of this one:

A young woman decides she wants to become rich quickly by marrying a rich old man and hoping to inherit his wealth quickly. On their honeymoon night the young bride is waiting in bed wearing sexy lingerie and hoping the old fellow’s heart doesn’t hold out for the night. Meanwhile he is in the bathroom getting ready. He comes out wearing a condom nose plugs and ear plugs. She looks at him in bewilderment and asks why he is wearing the nose plug and the ear plugs. He answers, “I can’t stand the smell of burning rubber and the sound of screaming women.”

Enough energy to power all of human civilization for what amount of time?

Several people have won prizes from $100,000 to a few million dollars in lotteries. Their hobby is playing the lottery. When they win, they have more money to spend on their hobby, so they buy more tickets.

Didn’t the Soviets recover Hitler’s remains and dispose of all but his head, refusing to allow anyone outside for attempts to verify it was genuine?

A joke: A priest, a hippy and a muskrat walk into the bar. The muskrat says, “I don’t like the off-topic comments ya’ll are posting.”

The priest and the hippy ignore him and enjoy a couple of beers together and have a great time.

How do they know the teeth were from Adolph Hitler and not some other poor schlep who was unfortunate enough to be there? You know, delivering Uber Eats or something? Hmmmmm??

The painting or the home were valued at upwards of $200,000?

Hmm, I wonder who Hitler blamed for his gum disease?

That’s chump change compared to what the Frida Kahlo painting recently knocked down.

That puts the “Hitler Ate Sugar” trope into perspective.

So why are we spending so much time fooling around with solar power? Shouldn’t we be concentrating on Jupiter Power?! :-)

Won’t it be nice when RBION returns to normal and all these purveyors of old tired jokes finally move on.

Ven Der Führer says “Ve ist der master race”

Ve Heil! Heil! Right in der Führer’s face,

Not to luff der Führer ist a bik disgrace

Zoh Heil! Heil! Right in der Führer’s face!!

(Credit to Spike Jones and his City Slickers.)

Two lottery wins in a month? Just another case of randomness looking like a pattern.

Good for Hitler!

If I had won $40,000, I could afford the blow a bundle on another lottery too.