Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for November 30, 2021

GREETINGS to all Ripley’s joke fans! Tonight is my last post for awhile, as my wife and I are off to Europe and sanity (well, relative sanity) until around Christmas. I don’t know what sort of connectivity we’ll have, but I wish you all well, and entrust the O.F.W.T.J. Society to the good hands of Steve Silver, Joe Who Fears Nothing, Charlie Fogwhistle, and all the other brave souls who post jokes despite the cacophony of nay-sayers. Wish me bon voyage and I’ll re-connect in three weeks or so. Meanwhile, the joke of the night – a golf joke, of course:

An older couple, both avid golfers, are discussing long-range plans. “Tell me,” the wife asks, “If I die first, do you think you’ll remarry?”“Yes, I suppose I would,” the husband concedes.“And would she sleep here in this bed with you?”“Yes, of course.”“And use our dishes? Even the wedding set dishes?”“Well, I don’t see why not,” he admits.“And would she use my golf clubs, too?”“Oh, no. Definitely not,” is his firm reply.“And why would that be?” the wife wants to know.“She’s left-handed.”

So, I suppose the home team won by forfeit.

Never really got into Buffy myself.

“Buffy the Vampire Slayer” was also the first TV show to feature Sarah Michelle Geller as a teenage slayer of vampires. I know it’s true; I googled it.

When did Ripley’s become a forum for would be comedians?

The bit about 11 soccer players being killed seems dubious. There are several articles about it on the net, but they just repeat the same thing and none of them verified the story.

Time to make everyone Grooaaannn. Some bad vampire jokes.

Three vampire brothers decide to hold a competition to see which one of them is the most powerful.The first brother is the strongest.“Watch this,” he says, and takes off at nearly 100 miles per hour. Two minutes later, he returns, his mouth covered in blood.“What happened?!” his brothers exclaimed.“You see that mansion over there?”“Yeah?“Well, I went over there and drained each and every last family member dry.“Wow!” his brothers say. “As expected, for you are the strongest.”The second brother to go is the oldest.“Watch and learn, boys,” he says, and takes off even quicker, at 150 miles per hour. Five minutes later, he returns, both his mouth and his neck covered in blood.“What happened?!” His brothers exclaimed.“You see that village over there?”“Yeah?” They said.“Well I went over there and drained every last person in the entire village. “Wow!” his brothers say in awe. “As expected, for you are the oldest and have the most experience.”The third brother is the fastest. Not to be outdone, he says “Watch this, and don’t blink or you might miss it.”He flies off, faster than the rest of them, going at least 200mph.In only ten seconds, he returns. His entire mouth, nose, and neck are covered in so much blood, it stains the front of his shirt.“What happened?!” his brothers exclaimed.“You see that giant tree over there?”“…Yeah?”“Well I sure didn’t.”

Q: What do you call a vampire hunter that lies a lot?A: Bluffy the Vampire Slayer.Q: What should you never yell at a vampire while arguing?A: Bite me!Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?A: The vampire only sucks blood at night.Q. Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift?A. Cuz she got bad blood.

And something to think about:If vampires have no reflection, how do they do their hair?

After that soccer match the local witch doctor was banned from gambling on sports.

If I remember correctly, the home team was unharmed because their cleats weren’t metal, and the away team’s cleats were.

“Barney Google (With the Goo Goo Googly Eyes) was the first song to use the word “Google”, or variation as both a Proper Noun and an Adjective. Believe It of Not!

“No, I haven’t. I’m not that kind of girl. But we did hold hands at the mall.”

Take care, may vilified locomotive engineer Bill “A Good Rail Tie Remover Is Worth His Weight In Sour Mash” Stullord be with you, and gesundheit.

Those teenagers in Buffy are now in their 40s.

I wonder what year that Buffy show aired?

Gonna miss my morning chuckle unless others can take up the slack. Be careful, you may be out of a job when you return unless you continue to post, maybe from the Eiffel Tower.

Do not make fun of witch doctors when visiting the Congo.

Life hack number 5. Don’t drink near the tracks. It’s where the bad things happen.

Vampires seem to have captured the fancy of our group this morning. My contribution is a little late, so if you don’t mind me being frank, I’ll be brief.

I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and killed the devil himself…my wife rushes through the room and shouts, “YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK.”.

Until next time.

I bet at that soccer match there was someone who prayed or wished bad things against the opposing team… and when the lightning struck they thought it was their fault, and they live with the guilt to this day.

The eleven players killed were wearing metal cleats and the other team had nylon cleats.

This article says the home team was killed…all in all it seems a bit apocryphal: https://archive.seattletimes.com/archive/?date=19981028&slug=2780150

BtVS was noted for unusual grammar (“Raise your hand if ewwww”).

Bon Voyage!!

who won the game?