Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for January 29, 2022

I’ll believe it when I see it. Now where did I put my glasses?

Last night, in my humble but usually accurate opinion, was Banner for the RBION community, and especially The O.F.W.T.J. Society. We had lots of great jokes, and, for the humorless among us (one wonders why they read the comics) there were even some comments pertinent to the cartoon. Thus, my story tonight is dedicated to SUCCESS:

Four buddies are catching up over drinks many years after high school. Soon, they’re all bragging about how successful and wealthy they’ve become.

The first guy says, “See that bank building across the street? I am going to buy it within the next six months.”

The second guy then says, “See that hotel building next to the bank? I am going to buy it within the next month.”

Not wanting to lose out, the third guy quickly responds, “See that shopping complex next to the hotel? I am going to buy that next week!”

They then look expectantly at the fourth guy who simply smiles and takes one long sip of his cocktail before he says, “I’m not selling.”

You know. But do you think.

Would one have to go to SeaWorld or some brach-side gift shop to find Poe’s conchology book?

It’s no wonder Poe was such a depressed guy, with that forehead. The kids probably called him Eddie Eighthead.

Two cannibals were dining on a pessimistic. The husband suddenly put down his fork, and said, “There’s nothing for dessert, is there? Even if there is, I bet it’s gross.”

Did you know Edgar Allen Poe once wrote a hypothetical essay proposing the theory of the Big Bang?

Did you know that the actor who played the dad on Psych has one of the largest snowglobe collections as well?

Also, here’s a tip to komodo dragons: try eating food instead of the majority of your own body. You’ll be healthier that way.

Did it say, “Quoth the mollusk, nevermore?”

I don’t know why the fact about the komodo dragon is so unbelievable. I’ve seen lots of teenage humans do the same feat.

So he got angry and depressed and wrote about betrayal, death, and wine.

Take care, may famed clown Chucko “Being Happy Is Just As Easy As Being Sad” Runyord be with you, and gesundheit.

But can a Komodo dragon even move after a meal like that. Speaking of movements…

Poe’s work inspires thoughts of death, thus this old classic returns.

An American & his wife are visiting Israel. The long married couple have been travelling & seeing the sights for a few months. One day, the man’s wife suddenly dies.

At the morgue she is pronounced dead. The mortician says “We can bury her here in Israel for $250 or cremate her for $1000.”

The husband ponders it & says: “I’d like her cremated for $1000”.

The mortician says: “It will be done”.

So arrangements are made. Then he asks the husband: “Why did you go with cremation for $1000 when burying her here would have only cost $250?”

He replies: “Well, I heard that a long time ago, someone who was buried in this same place rose from the ground 3 days afterwards. I just couldn’t take that chance.”

Until next time.

I eat like a bird. Problem is most birds eat more than their body weight every day.

Tuco,I love your cajun stories so here is my offering for today! Pierre and Antoine are fishing on the bayou and Pierre says “I done got dis paper from a guy dis mornin and I can’t tell what it is..can you tell me?” Antoine looks at the paper and says “Well up here on de top it say SUBPOENA and I not sure what dat is but I believe dat SUB means under or below and uh POENA….hmmmm I not sure but I think they got you by da tentacles or whatever dem things down dere is called!” Whew I’m goin back to the shack cuz cleaning up these jokes is killing me! Jofers out!

Steve, here’s a special one for you:

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:

“Before you signed the death certificate, did you take the pulse, listen to the heart or check for breathing?”

“No.”

“So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man was dead, were you?”

“Well, the man’s brain was in a jar on my desk, but I suppose he could have still been practicing law for a living.”

Until next time.

Once again, in my humble opinion, all the jokes are great, but I think that Charlie Fogwhistle edges out another win for the day. The problem is, is that if he was competing against himself, it would be a tie! :-)

And exactly WHO is going to clean up after that critter?

I ought to get a snow globe. In these parts, that’s the only way to see a snow fall with any accumulation. Though we have had two dusting’s in January, a first, and the month isn’t over yet. Climate change takes all kinds of forms.

Do komodo dragons look fat? Of course not! I’m going to promote the komodo dragon weight loss method.

That explains everything, when I was a teenager, I must have been a Komodo Dragon.

My sister “Used to” collect snow globes. Then, one year, she had so many she decided to store them in the attic in her Texas home…

So, Wendy – another RBION loser.

Neither Wimpy nor Jughead have anything on those dragons

Another interesting fact about Komodo Dragons. They only attack their prey with a single bite. Then they wait for the germs in the bite to kill the prey. After it’s dead, they’ll eat it.

In Edgar Allen Poe’s book, did they ever find out who killed the Conch?

FOUND MY GLASSES!