Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for February 28, 2022

So what happened to Ripley’s last night? Mutiny? Error? Forgetfulness? Who knows? Oh, well…

For my brethren who managed to stay awake through their college classics classes, or even those who did not, I dedicate the following to you…especially if you share my Irish heritage. (Sorry, Silver.)

A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures. Over a double Latte, the Greek mentions“We built the Parthenon you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo”. “Aye, and it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter solstices”.“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“Aye! True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.” As I mentioned several days ago, they don’t know what they want, but they’re willing to die for it. Erin (or as my friend Silver might say, Aaron) Go Bragh!

The root word in endurance is endure, and we have had to go cold turkey for over 24 hours, some closer to 48, without our RBION fix. So here’s my offering on endurance.

A 70 year old man goes into a brothel. He picks out a young pretty woman, they go up to her room, strip down and climb into bed.

The old man performs like a teenager. The prostitute is amazed at how energetic and agile he is, and she tells him if he can do it like that again, she’ll give him one for free.

He says “Yeah, I can, but I need to take a 20 minute nap, and while I’m asleep, I need you to hold my old tool.” She agrees, he wakes up 20 minutes later and goes at it again, just as vigorously as before.

The girl is amazed at the old man’s stamina, and repeats her freebie offer, the old man tells her that once again, he’ll need a 20 minute nap and she’ll have to hold his tool while he’s asleep. She does as he asks, he wakes up 20 minutes later and he goes at it again, with even more enthusiasm than previously.

The hooker catches her breath, and needing to satisfy her curiosity, asks the old man “I can understand why you need the nap, but why do you need me to hold your tool while you’re sleeping?”

The old man replies “Oh, that’s just so you don’t steal my wallet.”

Until next time.

For reference, Australia is about 2500 miles wide.

Also, were 16 of those wheels even doing anything?

This is a comment on current events.

The scariest thing about this Ukraine war possibly escalating into World War Three is that we are on the Germans’ side.

They’ve never won a World War yet.

Until next time.

I-59 does not extend into Tennessee.

So, Jason, what is it you call Bavel Pertini’s eighteen-wheel “unicycle”? An octendec-cycle?

Found this on the Quora site, made me laugh out loud. I hope it does you too…

Two Scotsmen go to Hell. A demon approaches the devil and says “Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?”

The devil says "Glaswegians? Their kind are normally very friendly, helpful and honest, so we do not see many such men in my dark domain… Hang them in a cage over the lake of fire for now and I shall check on them later.

“But when the devil flew up to the cage to check on the Scotsmen, he found them happily lounging around with their shirts off.

“What is the meaning of this?” The devil cried. “You’re supposed to be in torment!”

The Glaswegians looked surprised “Naw” they said "it’s pure quality taps aff weather here man. It’s no drab an’ dreich like Scotland, you know that way?

“Fuming, the devil flew to the great thermostat of Hell and cranked it all the way to the top. And the next day, the temperature was so high that even the demons were sweating, the stones of hell were melting and the flames from the lake of fire were leaping higher than ever before.

So the devil was surprised when he visited the Scotsmen and found that they had somehow procured plastic lawn furniture and Buckfast tonic wine.

Raising a glass to the devil, one of the Scotsmen said “Hey big man! If I’d known it was so lovely an warm doon here, I’d’ve done a whole lot more sinning! Weather’s always shite in Glesga. Always freezin’ ma nuts off, you know?”

“I see.” The devil replied, smiling though clenched teeth "your dismal country has given you a great love of heat. The hotter it is, the happier you are. Well, we’ll see about that.

“So saying, he flew to the great thermostat of Hell once more, but this time, he turned it all the way down.

The next day, the lake of fire was frozen solid for the first time, sinners were frozen in blocks of ice and demons huddled in corners for warmth, their teeth chattering.

Bavel Pertini One time I was 67 feet tall. One time I was 29.9 feet tall. One time I had 18 wheels. Now by definition, this couldn’t be a unicycle because it has 18 wheels instead of only one.

One time I was 32 miles tall.

One time I was 19 feet tall. One time I weighed 14,361 pounds.

May the Lord be with you.

Believe it or Not, Believe it or Not was not posted on Sunday Feb 27th, 2022.

Skillet for bronto eggs?

Take care, may Foster’s beer enthusiast Hic Angrush “Hic .. Plop” Lushord be with you, and gesundheit.

He only had to pedal 36 feet. Failing down would cover the other 30 feet.

So Pavel really pedaled 36.2 feet and fell forward.

What happened to the egg truck behind the skillet truck?

My new avatar is my latest painting of a typical Florida Blue Crab!

More than 90 percent of Canadians live within 150 miles of the US border. So if you really want to get “lost” move to Yellowknife. They even have a WMart AND a McDonalds.

Australia is an ISLAND. The outback is mostly uninhabitable. Of course most people live near the ocean.

Wonder how many people it takes to flipped the eggs frying in that pan

That truck ride RUINED the seasoning on that pan!

That must be Paul Bunyan’s fry pan…..Which he used to cook blue ox steaks.

spoke once to a 77 year old woman who got her exercise riding a unicycle – said her son had become concerned because of her age and had taken it away…she chuckled and said, “But he didn’t know i have a spare in the attic.”

I don’t believe the story about the frying pan. Interstate 59 does NOT enter Tennessee. It ends at Interstate 24 in Georgia over half a mile short of the Tennessee state line.

Burn!

Funny joke from O Schaefer!

What happened when Mr. Bertini reached the 67th foot?

nowhere in the UK are you more than 25 miles from the sea

Well, anywhere in Florida you’re never more than 145 feet above the sea.