Ripley's Believe It or Not by Ripley’s Believe It or Not! for April 07, 2022

May Lord Borchard de Herle be with you.

Lord Borchard de Herle was a medieval diplomat under the English King Edward I of England.

Every time I buy a package of m&m’s, about half of them have a “w” on them.

God has just created everything; now He’s down to passing out attributes. Eve got beauty; Adam got strength, and so on. Finally, God says, “OK; I’m down to the last two attributes. The first one is…peeing standing up.”

Adam immediately jumps up. “Oh God, yes! Yes! I wanna pee standing up – that sounds SO cool!!”

God sighs, and says, “All right, Adam. You get ‘peeing standing up.’” Adam beams happily.

Continuing, God says, “Well, Eve, that leaves you with multiple orgasms.”

The crocodile probably died trying to decide what wine pairs with a fledgling dinosaur.

God has just created everything; now He’s down to passing out attributes. Eve got beauty; Adam got strength, and so on. Finally, God says, “OK; I’m down to the last two attributes. The first one is…peeing standing up.”

Adam immediately jumps up. “Oh God, yes! Yes! I wanna pee standing up – that sounds SO cool!!”

God sighs, and says, “All right, Adam. You get ‘peeing standing up.’” Adam beams happily.

Continuing, God says, “Well, Eve, that leaves you with multiple orgasms.”

A woman of my acquaintance shared this story with me many years ago before there was a Mrs Fogwhistle.

Shortly after I moved back to the city I wanted to start up yoga again. I had just come from the mall and bought these adorable little Victoria Secret panties that I had immediately put on. As soon as I sat down in the yoga studio I could start to feel them riding up. I was thinking “Rats. How do I fix this in a room full of people?” The new yoga teacher walked in and started the class. And when I say new I mean he looked like he was twelve. We started some easy standing poses but as soon as we got to the floor poses it started to hurt. With each pose my panties were travelling deeper and deeper into my crack. The yogi then said “Class. We will start our meditation by envisioning ourselves on a bridge gazing at the water..” All I could envision was getting these panties out of my ass so I seized the moment while everyone’s eyes were closed and went excavating for the thong gone wrong.

After class was over the yoga teacher locked eyes with me beckoned me to come over. When the class emptied he said, “When you can move a river between two mountains without hands, you will have peace.”

I guess he swami after all.

By the way, if you delete every yoga joke using “Namaste” as “Nah, must stay” there’s only about 3 left. I’m going to try to find another joke after I’ve slept.

Until next time.

Unless this strip was poorly drawn, Reyansh has abnormally long arms.

what kind of seasoning did the croc use??

I think Boo Boo Bear taught Yogi how to sit and do nothing at a much younger age than that Dubai kid.

Take care, may sleeping meditator Phram “ZZZZZZZ” Phramord be with you, and gesundheit.

Ok, today’s comments are more like it. Just the way they were meant to be. Not the long rambling stories that take up all the space, and leave no room for real comnents

Aahhh…they were the M&M kind that had arms and legs to balance with.

“I used to buy a lot of M&Ms; they’re a delicious candy. But then I switched to aspirin. I find if you hand your friend two aspirin, he doesn’t look at you like you’re selfish.“

Mitch Hedberg

What the world needs now are flatter m&m’s

so if anything is millions of years old then everything surrounding it should be as well…true? BTW, what happened to the other millions years old things adjacent to the one discovered?

Was Brendan the M&M stacker allowed to lick his fingers?

I think Australia holds the record for world records.

Some say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. My road to hell is paved with M&M’s.

He really only stacked 5. Bottom one just lays there

Amazing about the Croc! You’d have thought it would have just ate at McDonalds!

It’s easy to stack even dozens of M&Ms . . . with a hammer.

Reynash seems to have overly long arms. Could he be related to an orangutan?

“Children, Children, it’s time to turn in your ‘TEST’ papers…”

ReTest

They put a dinosaur on the barbie?